(Sean Mooney is shown standing out in front of the Manhattan Center on a cold Monday evening in late January. Mooney begins speaking directly into the camera but appears to be waiting on someone in particular.)
Sean Mooney: Hello everyone I’m Sean Mooney coming to you live from the Manhattan center in mid-town Manhattan.
(Mooney suddenly stops as a long stretch limo pulls up. Newly crowed WWF champion Big Daddy Tees gets out accompanied by Jushin “Thunder” Liger, Terry Funk and a bunch of gorgeous women in bikinis. The three men appear to be drinking Champaign along with the ladies.)
Sean Mooney: Big Daddy Tees you are in a main event match with Mr. Perfect tonight why are you drinking?
Big Daddy Tees: Mind your own business Mooney. Tonight I’m going to give Mr. Perfect The Perfect beating I don’t need to be 100% sober to do that. Perfect you better be ready because I’m more than ready for you.
(Mooney gives the camera a weird look as Tees, Funk and Liger enter the building along with their entourage. The following intro plays across your standard definition television set)
(The annoying sirens continue as Vince McMahon and Jesse “The Body” Ventura come into view. McMahon begins talking and seems overly excited) Vince McMahon: Welcome Everyone To Monday Night Raw!!! We have got an exciting evening of WWF action in store for you including the newly crowned WWF Champion Big Daddy Tees in taking on Mr. Perfect Curt Henning.Jesse Ventura: That should be a real classic I have no idea who is going to win this one McMahon. I’m going to have to remain neutral as I’m a fan of both men.Vince McMahon: Plus, we have several first round matches in the Intercontinental championship tournament one of which will be starting momentarily. Without further ado lets go to the ring!!!
(We turn our attention to Howard Finkle who is standing in the center of the ring as always dressed in his WWF issued tuxedo. Finkle begins handling the introductions for the opening contest.)
Howard Finkle: Ladies and gentleman the following contest is scheduled for one fall and is a first round match up in the intercontinental tournament. Introducing first being led by his manager the WWF champion Big Daddy Tees… He hails from The Double Cross Ranch, Amarillo, Texas. And weighs in at 247lbs Terry Funk!!!
(The crowd instantly boos as “Man With a Harmonica” hits, Terry Funk makes his way out accompanied by Big Daddy Tees. The two men completely ignore the crowd and look intense and focused. Funk reaches the ring and Tees takes his place at ringside.)
Howard Finkle: And his opponent he hails from Badstreet, U.S.A in Atlanta Georgia, he weighs in at 251lbs. Michael “P.S.” Hayes!!!!!.
(“Badstreet U.S.A” hits but there isn’t a sign of Michael Hayes.)
Vince McMahon: Michael Hayes doesn’t appear to be anywhere to be seen.
Jesse Ventura: Very observant of you Sherlock.
Howard Finkle: Hailing from “Badstreet U.S.A and weighing in at 251lbs Michael “P.S.” Hayes.
(The Music hits again but still no sign of Hayes. )
Vince McMahon: We’ve received word that there is some sort of incident in the back.
(The camera cuts to the backstage area where Michael “P.S” Hayes is shown laying face down in a puddle of his own blood. There is no attacker in sight. We then travel back to the ring where Terry Funk and Big Daddy Tees are insisting that the ref put a count on Hayes. The ref reluctantly complies.)
Referee Jack Doan: 1… 2… 3… 4…5…6…7….8…9…10 ring the bell.
(The bell rings. )
Howard Finkle: Ladies and gentleman your winner as the result of a count out and advancing in the tournament Terry Funk!!!.
(“Man With A Harmonica”hits again and Funk celebrates as though he’s actually won the title. Tees joins him in celebration and the two head to the back.)
Vince McMahon: I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if those two jackals had something to do with the attack on Hayes.
Jesse Ventura: Watch yourself McMahon you don’t want to go around throwing unfounded accusations like that.
Winner By Count Out And advancing in The Intercontinental Championship Tournament.: Terry Funk.
Howard Finkle: And his opponent being accompanied by his manager Big Daddy Tees from Hiroshima. Japan, he weighs in at 210lbs. Jushin “Thunder” Liger!!.
(“Ikari no Jushin” hits and Liger makes his way out along with Big Daddy Tees to overwhelming boos. Tees leads Liger toward the ringside area staring a hole through Raven the entire time. Liger enters the ring and prepares for battle as Tees makes a taunting gesture toward Raven.)
Vince McMahon: Should be a classic.
(Liger and Raven begin circling each other. Liger taunts Raven who grabs Liger and executes a side headlock. Liger shoves Raven off and connects with a thrust kick as Raven bounces back off of the ropes. Liger begins stomping away at Raven as the ref breaks the two up. Liger kicks Raven with repeated martial arts kicks to the back. He finally applies a Japanese nerve hold but Raven is too close to the ropes and fights out. )
Vince McMahon: Excellent back and forth battle neither man has an advantage.
Jesse Ventura: Are we watching the same match? It looks like Liger has this well in hand from where I’m sitting McMahon.
(Liger applies an Indian deathlock and the ref asks Raven if he wants to submit. Raven screams “No” and fights out of it. Liger goes for a belly to back suplex but Raven counters with elbow shots to the face. Liger staggers back into the corner and Raven runs in with a hard closeline followed up by a roaring elbow. Raven goes for a pinfall attempt but Liger kicks out at two. )
Ventura: Liger out at two barely escapes the pinfall attempt there.
(Raven applies a sleeper hold but Liger rams him back into the corner he nails Raven with several martial arts kicks and strikes and then positions Raven on the top turnbuckle. Liger actually connects with a fisherman buster from the top turnbuckle. He goes for the cover and barely gets a two and ¾ count before Raven gets the shoulder up. Liger argues with the ref and attempts a shooting star press but Raven gets the knees up. Liger keels over as Raven connects with a devastating lariat. Raven appears to have Liger beat and gives the signal for the Even Flow DDT he sets up and connects. He goes for the cover and it take him a second or two to realize that Big Daddy Tees has pulled the ref out of the ring and coldcocked him. Tees comes into the ring carrying a steel chair. He attempts to hit Raven with it but Raven counters and sets Tees up for the drop toe hold onto the chair. He connects with it and Tees grabs his head in pain. Tees rolls to the outside and Raven again turns his attention to Liger who has managed to recover. Raven moves toward Liger who spits the Asian mist directly into Raven’s eyes right in front of a new ref who has rushed to the ring. The ref immediately calls for the bell but Liger doesn’t seem to care as he continues stomping away on Raven. Liger connects with a Liger bomb and follows it up with a second. Tees comes back into the ring and begins putting the boots to Raven along with Liger. It takes several officials several minutes to get Tees and Liger to the back. Medics check on Raven who appears to not be injured too badly. )
Vince McMahon: It appears as though Jushin Liger has intentionally gotten himself disqualified here.
Ventura: How do you figure that McMahon? He may have just done a sloppy job of hiding it from the ref.
Howard Finkle: Ladies and gentleman your winner by disqualification and advancing in the Intercontinental championship tournament Raven!!!.
(The Crowd Cheers as “Hate To Feel” plays. Raven briefly celebrates his victory but looks like he has something bigger on his mind as he heads to the back.)
Winner By DQ And Advancing In The Tournament: Raven
(“Pomp and Circumstance” plays as Randy Savage steps out from behind the curtain to a thunderous round of cheers. He walks slowly down the ramp, slapping hands with the fans. He slides in the ring as he removes his hat, handing it to Miss Elizabeth.)
Ventura: Macho Man has never looked better.
McMahon: Elizabeth isn’t too shabby either.
Ventura: Don’t let Savage hear you say that about his wife McMahon or you’ll be sorry.
Howard Finkle: And his opponent from Mt. Airy, Maryland he weighs in at 190lbs Mighty Voovoo!!!
(Dead Man’s Party by Oingo Boingo hits over the PA system, and Mighty Voovoo walks onto the stage, he struts down the ramp, dancing a little, having his motion match the rhythm of the trumpets when they are heard. He gets down to the ring, and takes off his white cape with the giant blue V and gives it to the ring hand. He hops onto the ring apron, and jumps over the top rope. He walks over to each corner of the ring, pointing to individuals in the audience, and giving them a thumbs up if they are giving any hints that they are fans of the 80’s too. Perhaps they are wearing an old Mario shirt, or an old Star Wars shirt, any 80’s reference will make Mighty Voovoo smile. His music dies down and he stands in his corner of the ring.)
Ventura: This Mighty Voovoo is a real odd ball.
McMahon: That he is and he wouldn’t have it any other way. He’s the sort that really likes to let his freak flag fly.
(The bell rings and Voovoo immediately takes it to Savage with a series of rights and lefts. Savage never seems to get out of the gate as Voovoo connects with a drop kick followed up by a diving elbow. Voovoo in short order nails The Flashback followed up with a frog splash into a cover 123. Voovoo has just gotten a rather impressive victory in short order over The Macho Man. )
Ventura: Whoa I don’t believe this. Macho Man got totally swept here. He really didn’t seem ready at all the ref should restart the match.
McMahon: There are no restarts here Jesse what’s done is done. Hopefully next time Macho Man will show up. It’s almost as though his heart wasn’t in it tonight. Perhaps the Royal Rumble took a heaver toll than expected on Macho.
Howard Finkle: Here is your winner and advancing in the tournament Mighty Voo Voo!!!!
(“Dead Man’s Party” Hits again as Voovoo celebrates. )
Winner Via Pinfall and advancing in the I.C. Tournament: Mighty Voo Voo
McMahon: WOW! What a block buster announcement it really raises the stakes for next weeks match wouldn’t you say?
Jesse Ventura: Jack Tunney needs to be impeached. I have it on good authority that he’s a member of the skull and bones society.
Vince McMahon: And who told you this?
Ventura: Bobby “The Brain” Heenan
McMahon: It figures.
McMahon: Speaking of Bobby “The Brain” It’s time for the main event of the evening.
Howard Finkle: Ladies and gentleman the following contest is scheduled for one fall and is a non title match. If Mr. Perfect wins he’ll not only get a future shot at the WWF championship but will also get a bye directly into the finals of The Intercontinental Championship tournament. Introducing first from Brooklyn, NY he weighs in at 280lbs and is the NEW WWF Champion!!! Big Daddy Tees!!!!!
(“Iron Man” by Black Sabbath hits and Jon Tees steps through the curtain to immediate boos from the crowd The WWF championship is around the waist of the big man. Younger children look on with a mixture of fear, astonishment and respect while older fans range from cheering to booing and shouting obscenities. Tees continues down the aisle toward the ringside area paying little to no mind to the fans he steps over the top rope and get ready to take care of business.)
Howard Finkle: And his opponent being accompanied by his manager Bobby “The Brain” Heenan from Robbinsdale, Minnesota he ways in at 250lbs Mr. Perfect!!!
(The orchestral sounds of Jim Johnston’s “Perfection” blast over the arena speakers. After a few seconds, Mr. Perfect makes his way through the curtain to a chorus of boos, chewing gum as usual. He soaks them in, loving every second of being better than the rest. He then tosses his white towel behind his back and catches it without looking at it. He saunters to the ring as the boos continue to rain down. Once he is inside the ring, he spits his gum out and smacks it into the stands, perfectly of course.)
(The bell sounds and just as Perfect turns around he is nailed with a lariat. Tees begins putting the boots to Perfect Tees connects with several stiff head butts and quickly opens Perfect up.) The ref checks on Perfect and asks if he can continue he of course says yes. Tees backs Perfect into the corner and connects with several repeated elbow strikes. He follows this up with a vicious big boot and goes for the cover. Unfortunately he’s too close to the ropes and The Brain puts Perfect’s foot on the bottom rope. Tees becomes irate (even though he himself has done this to several other people.) and goes out after The Brain. As he’s distracted he turns around to Perfect coming at him with a baseball slide. Perfect slams Tees into the guard rail repeatedly and then into the steps finally shoulder first into the ring post. The ref has been counting and is up to five. Perfect rolls Tees back into the ring and continues to work on the shoulder. )
Ventura: Perfect showing a great game plan here targeting that shoulder.
(Perfect slams Tees’ shoulder down on the mat and drives his knees into it. He attempts an arm bar but Tees reaches the ropes. Perfect manages to connect with a running neck snap but when he goes to set Tees up for the Perfect plex Tees blocks and counters into a back body drop followed up with a DDT. Tees really begins to assault Perfect with several stiff head butts to various parts of his body. )
Ventura: Tees has the advantage here.
(Tees seems to lay Perfect out with a heal hook. He goes for the cover and gets a two and a half count. Tees picks Perfect up and connects with repeated knees to the mid section. He nails lights out and goes for the cover again getting two. Tees applies the sin city crab but Perfect is able to reach the ropes forcing the break. Perfect appears to be injured at that point. Tees picks Perfect up and connects with several lariats. Rather than going for the cover he nails The Tees driver to make some sort of a statement he picks Perfect up and connects with a heart punch. Tees finally applies The Garotte and Bobby Heenan appears to have seen enough he throws in the towel and Tees is declared the winner. )
Ventura: Man that was brutal hopefully Mr. Perfect will be alright.
(Tees releases the hold and appears angry. He runs outside of the ring and grabs Heenan. He waylays the Brain with a huge punch sending him flying into the air. He then grabs Heenan and sends him into the ring steps head first. Officials finally manage to stop the crazed Big Daddy Tees and emt’s rush to assist Heenan and Perfect. Raven comes running out of the crowd and attacks Tees with a chair)
Howard Finkle: Ladies and gentlemen your winner due to stoppage The WWF Champion Big Daddy Tees!!!
(Tees and Raven continue brawling and need to be pulled apart but still managed to fight back to each other.)
Vince McMahon: Ladies and gentlemen that’s about all the time we have for this week… for Jesse Ventura I’m Vince McMahon saying see you next week on Monday Night Raw.
(Tees and Raven are still fighting as the show fades out.)
Winner Due To Stoppage: The WWF Champion Big Daddy Tees