1993 Monday Night Raw Intro
(The sirens play for a bit and then stop as we approach Vince McMahon and Bobby “The Brain” Heenan noticeable by his absence is Jesse Ventura. Vince McMahon begins speaking in an overly excited tone as usual.)
Vince McMahon: Hello everyone and welcome to Monday Night Raw!!! I’m Vince McMahon joining me is Bobby “The Brain” Heenan. Jesse Ventura unfortunately had to call in sick this week so I’m stuck with “The Brain”
(Heenan salutes the camera pointing to his head to demonstrate that he’s more intelligent than all of the humanoids.)
Bobby Heenan: If anybody is stuck with anyone it’s me being stuck with you. If Monson wasn’t bad enough you’re even worse.
Vince McMahon: (paying no attention to Heenan’s previous insult.) We got a jam packed night of action for you ladies and gentleman!!!. A big tag team main event between The Syndicate and The Loud Violent Riot!!!. Plus an opening contest that will determine who goes on to face Terry Funk in the finals of The Intercontinental championship tournament next week when we emanate from the mecca Madison Square Garden!!!!.
Bobby Heenan: Settle down and switch to decafe… you are way too overly excited and it’s making me nervous. True… it’ll be a great show but you look like you’re about to have a stroke. Oh and by the way you forgot to mention that my main man Mr. Perfect will be in action against that good for nothing Randy Savage.
(Suddenly McMahon and Heenan are joined by WWF champion Big Daddy Tees… dressed to impressed in a very expensive suit with the WWF championship around his waist as always. He shakes hands with Heenan in spite of what happened last week and fakes out McMahon by acting like he’s going to shake his hand only to end up running his fingers through his own hair.)
Vince McMahon: WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE?… YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE OUT HERE NOW!!!
Big Daddy Tees: Relax Vin man I just wanted to get a closer look at tonight’s action especially this opening contest which deeply concerns me. Oh and Bobby how are you doing old buddy… old pal?
Bobby Heenan: I’m doing great thanks for asking.
Vince McMahon: What is this? Last week you nearly took the man’s head off and now you’re friends again?
Big Daddy Tees: We were never enemies what happened last week was just business… things got heated and tempers flared but past is past. Me and Bobby are wonderful friends. How’s Mr. Perfect by the way?
Heenan: He’s Perfect and has made a full recovery from last weeks main event. By the way he wanted to thank you for the fruit basket and the get well card.
Big Daddy Tees: Don’t mention it.
Vince McMahon: Well anyway we got a show to do. Lets get to the ring.
(We switch over to Howard Finkle standing in the center of the ring dressed in his usual tux. Finkle begins doing what he does best announcing the participates.)
Howard Finkle: Ladies and gentlemen the following contest is scheduled for one fall and is a semi final match in the Intercontinental championship tournament. The winner will go on to battle Terry Funk for the title next week and also challenge for the WWF championship regardless of whether they end up winning the I.C. title or not. Introducing first he hails from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and weighs in at 240lbs Raven!!!
(The opening riff “Hate To Feel” echoes throughout the arena as Raven slowly walks out on the ramp with his arms spread. He then stretches his arm to the direction the ring and screams, before slowly walking to the ring. He gets on the apron, where he spreads his hands and screams again, then he gets in the ring and is prepared for the match.)
Howard Finkle: And his opponent he hails from Mt. Airy, Maryland and weighs in at 190lbs… Mighty Voovoo!!!
(Dead Man’s Party by Oingo Boingo hits over the PA system, and Mighty Voovoo walks onto the stage, he struts down the ramp, dancing a little, having his motion match the rhythem of the trumpets when they are heard. He gets down to the ring, and takes off his white cape with the giant blue V and gives it to the ring hand. He hops onto the ring apron, and jumps over the top rope. He walks over to each corner of the ring, pointing to individuals in the audience, and giving them a thumbs up if they are giving any hints that they are fans of the 80’s too. Perhaps they are wearing an old Mario shirt, or an old Star Wars shirt, any 80’s reference will make Mighty Voovoo smile. His music dies down and he stands in his corner of the ring.)
(With both men in the ring the bell sounds. Raven and Voovoo circle each other each gives a look of disgust toward Tees. They lock up, each puts the other in a headlock and then reverses it. Each man tests each other’s strength but it ends in a stalemate. Voovoo runs off the ropes and knocks into Raven but neither man budges. Raven then nails Voovoo with a lariat taking him down. Raven applies a side headlock on the mat but Voovoo powers out and nails a back suplex. Raven is in a seated position as Voo voo nails a drop kick. He goes for a cover but Raven kicks out at barely a one count.)
Tees: This match is putting me to sleep.
Vince McMahon: No one asked you out here you’re free to leave at any time.
Big Daddy Tees: I don’t need an invite I’m the WWF champion I go where I want when I want.
Heenan: Yeah that’s right he’s the WWF champion show some respect McMahon. I agree with the champ this match is starting out pretty slowly.
(Raven has come back during the banter of the announces and has nailed Voovoo with a sleeper slam. He follows it up with a bodyslam and a roaring elbow to Voovoo’s back. It becomes obvious what Raven’s strategy is to target the back and perhaps go for a submission. Raven continues to target Voovoos back putting the boots to it. Raven applies a camel clutch but Voovoo gets to the ropes. The ref asks Voovoo if he wants to continue he says “Yes” Raven goes for an ankle lock for some reason but Voovoo kicks him off. Voovoo catches Raven in a small package and the ref counts 1 2, kick out at 2 and 3 quarters.)
Big Daddy Tees: This is more like it.
(Raven and Voovoo begin going at it exchanging rights and lefts in the center of the ring. Voovoo gets the upper hand and nails a DDT on Raven followed up with a big splash. He goes for the cover but Raven gets his foot under the bottom rope. The ref forces the break and Raven slides out to the floor. The two men begin brawling around ringside, taking turns ramming each other into the barricades, steel steps and ring post. They end up fighting over by Tees where Raven tosses Mighty Voovoo into Tees knocking him over. The ref has been counting and is up to five. Raven grabs Voovoo and rolls him back into the ring. He sets up for the Evenflow but Voo Voo counters out of it into a sunset flip. Raven blocks it by dropping to his knees and pinning Voovoo but Voovoo reverses. At this point the fans begin paying attention to something going on up in the rafters. )
Vince McMahon: What’s going on here?
Heenan: Who cares the champ is down someone check on the champ.
Vince McMahon: Nobody cares about him… he’s not even supposed to be out here.
(Suddenly someone dressed like a clown begins making their way down the aisle in the bleachers. This person appears to be playing a variety of pranks on the audience. Such as squirting them with water, making balloon animals only to pop them in people’s faces. And throwing pies at people. This clown is carrying some sort of bag with him.)
Bobby Heenan: You know who that is? That’s Doink the clown.
Vince McMahon: Doink the clown? I thought he was dead.
Heenan: He doesn’t look dead to me.
(The action in the ring on Raven’s end has stopped as he finds himself distracted by Doink who appears to be making his way toward the ringside area. Doink finally reaches the ring and taunts Raven long enough that Voovoo is able to take advantage of the distraction and begin nailing Raven with a series of strikes knocking him back into the corner. Voovoo connects with the Flash back and goes for the cover. But Raven barely gets the shoulder up. Voovoo then finds himself distracted by an angry Tees who is now on the apron. Tees appears to be irate at VooVoo even though it was Raven who knocked Voovoo into him. Tees enters the ring and makes like he’s going to head toward Voovoo only to stop in his tracks. Before Voovoo knows what hit him he’s laid out in the middle of the ring having been struck with a large mallet. Tees then finally enters the ring and attacks Raven really putting the boots to him. As Raven finally manages to fight back he too is assaulted by Doink who shoots an acidic looking substance into Raven’s eyes via an angry looking flower on his jacket and then proceeds to waylay him with the mallet as well. Doink at Tees’ direction sticks an unconscious Raven on top of an Unconscious Voovoo and connects with a double Whoopi cushion. Followed up by putting both men in a double stump puller.)
Vince McMahon: What’s the meaning of this? Doink and Tees have ruined a perfectly good match.
Heenan: (laughing hysterically) brilliant. You see what he’s done? This match is a no contest therefore neither man will go on to face Terry Funk he’ll become champion by default.
Vince McMahon: Of all the low down dirty tricks.
(Tees and Doink continue assaulting Voovoo and Raven. At some point Doink removes his mask to reveal himself to be none other than Terry Funk. Tees and Funk have a good laugh at their handiwork. Tees then goes over to the bag and picks up two clown costumes. Funk and Tees begin dressing VooVoo and Raven in clown attire and painting their faces to look the part. )
Vince McMahon: This is utter humiliation.
Bobby Heenan: It sure is and I can’t stop laughing about it.
(Tees then looks into the camera and makes some sort of comment about Raven and Voovoo being “The real clowns” and a couple of “Jokes.” )
Howard Finkle: Ladies and gentleman this match has been ruled a no contest due to outside interference.
Match Result: No Contest.
(Suddenly the gleeful celebration and further humiliation of Raven and Voovoo is interrupted by the arrival of WWF president Jack Tunney. Tunney looks furious as his face is beat red and a vein is popping out of his forehead. He grabs a mic and begins speaking.)
Jack Tunney: I know what you are trying to pull and it’s not going to work. As a result of your actions next weeks Intercontinental championship match will now be a first ever triple threat match. Raven Vs Mighty Voo Voo Vs Terry Funk. Whoever wins this match will go on to Wrestlemania to challenge for the WWF championship. Oh and Big Daddy Tees you are bared from ringside if you interfere or any of your other henchmen interfere I’ll strip you of the WWF title and fire you on the spot do I make myself clear?
(Tees appears angry and begins yelling “This isn’t fair.”)
Jack Tunney: I think you’ve got a little too much energy and time on your hands Mr. Tees and next week I plan to do something about that. You see it’s been nearly a month since you’ve won that WWF championship and you have yet to defend it. Since Raw will be live from MSG next week I say it’s time you put the title on the line. You’ll face an opponent of my choosing next week. Save some of that energy for next Monday as you will indeed need it good day gentlemen.
(Tunney heads to the back as Tees continues pitching a fit. Tees and Funk leave the ring as Raven and Voovoo are helped to the back.)
Vince McMahon: Hello everyone and welcome back to Monday Night Raw. That was chaos, pandemonium. I’m glad Tees is out of here.
Bobby Heenan: Speaking of leaving I got work to do.
(Heenan departs the commentary area and heads to the back. Unfortunately for McMahon he is once more joined by WWF champion Big Daddy Tees. )
Vince Mcmahon: WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK HERE?
Tees: SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!!!… I’M NOT IN ANY MOOD FOR YOUR NON SENSE. Tunney is a corrupt S.O.B. and he needs to be impeached immediately. Who ever voted for him anyway?
(McMahon looks as though he’s about to say something but thinks better of it. )
McMahon: I can’t stand being around you so if you won’t leave by God I will.
(McMahon slams his headset down on the table and storms off. Tees puts his feet up on the desk and places the WWF championship on the table as well. We head to commercial break and when we return he has been joined by Terry Funk. Tees has also returned to a calmer mood.)
Tees: This match should be a good one but it won’t hold a candle to any match involving any of the Syndicate members. Let’s head up to old chrome dome for the introductions.
(We flash back to Howard Finkle but rather than introduce a match Finkle has something else on his mind he begins speaking.)
Howard Finkle: Ladies and gentleman as many of you know one of the legends last week passed away and I’m referring to Andre The Giant!!!. Andre throughout his World Wrestling Federation career provided many an exciting moment for both young and old alike. And his unique presence will surely be missed. Ladies and gentleman I would like to ask you all to rise in tribute to a man who was truly one of a kind… Andre The Giant.
(Various still frame photos and videos are shown of Andre The Giant’s legendary career. The photos include Andre standing next to Vince McMahon, congratulating Hulk Hogan on his initial WWF championship run, and riding in on one of those golf carts shaped to look like a ring along with Bobby Heenan Wrestlemania 3 to challenge Hogan for that very championship as 10 bells are chimed in a salute to a legend. As it ends we head over to the announce desk where once more Tees and Funk begin speaking with Funk holding his cowboy hat over his heart.)
Big Daddy Tees: Andre The Giant was a true inspiration to me growing up, and will truly be missed…. Words don’t do his many, many contributions to this industry any justice.
Terry Funk: There has never been a better athlete and a better man… I wrestled with and against the man all over the world… They don’t make em like Andre anymore.
(We head to commercial again when we return a match between Mr. Perfect and Randy “Macho Man” Savage is already in progress. Both men have dedicated the match to Andre’s memory. Savage starts off with a series of quick jabs which stun Perfect. Perfect falls through the ropes and to the outside. Savage leaps to the top rope and nails a double axe handle on Perfect. He begins following up by dropping a series of knees on Perfect and points at Bobby Heenan who is getting too close warning him to “Back off.” )
Big Daddy Tees: Wow Savage is aggressive here. If he showed this much promise before I might have had to sign him… but unfortunately he hasn’t really been all that impressive lately with failing to win the Royal Rumble and then losing soundly to that freak Mighty Voovoo.
Terry Funk: Tell me about it if it wasn’t for his old lady he probably wouldn’t even still have a job here with the pathetic losing streak he’s been on as of late.
(Savage rams Perfect into the ring post and then shoves him back into the ring. Savage climbs to the top turn buckle and appears to be going for the diving elbow. But Perfect rolls out of the way. Perfect nails a series of knife edge chops on Savage in the corner. But Savage reverses and nails another series of rights and lefts. Perfect stops Savage with a thumb to the eye. He follows up with a knee lift sending Savage into the turnbuckle. As a stunned Savage turns around he walks right into The Perfect plex where he’s pinned for the 1 2 3.
Howard Finkle: Ladies and gentleman your winner Mr. Perfect Curt Henning!!!.
(“Perfection plays as Perfect and Heenan celebrate their victory. Both point toward the sky in dedication to former Heenan family member Andre The Giant. As they head to the back actually getting cheers.)
Big Daddy Tees: Incredible win by Perfect just goes to show you that no matter how big and strong nothing you are can stop you faster than a good old fashioned thumb to the eye. Savage was on a role and the tide turned the second Perfect jabbed him in the eye.
Terry Funk: How true that is.
Winner: Mr. Perfect by Pinfall.
McMahon: Ladies and gentlemen welcome back to Monday Night Raw. I want to apologize for my actions this evening, I’ve been very short tempered as some of you may have noticed it’s been rough on me and everyone else this past week following the passing of Andre The Giant. Tempers have gotten the best of all of us and so on and so forth. I once more do sincerely apologize.
(Heenan looks as though he’s choking back tears.)
Heenan: Andre was truly one of a kind I managed him and managed against him wrestled with him and wrestled against him. There will never be another Andre no matter how much time goes by. Rest in peace good buddy I hope to see you again someday (points to the sky yet again.)
McMahon: Lets get back to the action.
Howard Finkle: Ladies and gentleman the following contest is scheduled for one fall introducing first. From Badstreet, U.S.A in Atlanta Georgia he weighs in at 251lbs. Michael “P.S” Hayes.
(“Badstreet U.S.A” hits and Michael “P.S” Hayes. Makes his way down the aisle strutting all the while. He reaches the ring and enters to boos from the crowd.)
Howard Finkle: And his opponent he hails from Garden Grove, California, he weighs in at 245lbs and his making his WWF debut accompanied by his manager Big Daddy Tees… Mr. Goldstein.
(“Beethoven’s 5th” hits and the crowd instantly erupts in a chorus of boos. Mr. Goldstein makes his way out along with Big Daddy Tees. Goldstein is sporting a solid gold robe. He walks down the aisle gazing upon the fans with a look of disdain and arrogance as though he is better than them. Many of them try and touch him but he simply brushes them off and continues his march toward the ringside area as the music plays. Goldstein enters the ring and removes his robe. He gives it to the ring attendant with strict instructions that if anything happens to his robe something sure is hell is going to happen to them. He awaits the bell… as Tees takes his place at ringside.)
Heenan: I heard nothing but great things about this Mr. Goldstein.
McMahon: I haven’t heard anything about him who told you these so called “great things?”
Heenan: Big Daddy Tees he says this Goldstein is a legend in the making and a future world champion don’t believe me ask him.
McMahon: (Face palm) Oh boy it’s going to be a long night.
(Goldstein waste little time and begins nailing Hayes with a series of stiff elbow and forearm shots. Hayes is down and Goldstein immediately begins to attack his leg dropping elbows on it. He moves Hayes over to the rope and places his leg between the ropes. He begins jumping down on it causing Hayes to scream in agony. Goldstein then heads to the outside and positions Hayes leg he begins repeatedly wrapping it around the ring post. Hayes begins crying out in pain he tries to crawl away and beg off but Goldstein gets a sick smirk across his face. He picks Hayes up and nails a stalling suplex holding him in the air for what feels like several minutes. Hayes hits the mat with a thud as Goldstein climbs to the top turnbuckle and appears to mock Randy “Macho Man” Savage by Imitating his theatrics. He delivers a very stiff diving elbow rights to Hayes heart. He goes for a cover but pulls Hayes up with before three getting a warning from the ref. Goldstein signals for the figure four and gets Hayes positioned right in the center of the ring. He applies it and Hayes instantly taps out. Goldstein’s hand is raised as “Beethoven’s 5th” blares throughout the arena. Tees congratulates his latest acquisition as Goldstein kicks Hayes under the bottom rope and out to the floor. Tees and Goldstein head toward the locker room.)
Vince McMahon: I’ll give the devil his due that was fairly impressive.
Heenan: See I told you. He made mince meat out of one of the greatest wrestlers of all time.
McMahon: What was that mocking Randy Savage bit about?
Heenan: To send a message since rumor has it Savage will be Goldstein’s next opponent. And with Goldstein’s impressive victory and Savage’s losing streak things don’t look too promising for The “Macho Man”
Winner Via Submission: Mr. Goldstein.
Vince McMahon: Ladies and gentleman it’s now time for the main event the tag team of The Loud Violent Riot will take on The Syndicate combination of Terry Funk and Jushin “Thunder” Liger.
Heenan: My money’s on The Syndicate. But I have to question Tees putting Funk in here this close to the Intercontinental Championship match next week. Not a very good move with all due respect.
Howard Finkle: Ladies and gentlemen it’s now time for the main event of the evening. Introducing first at a combined weight of 410lbs the team of Too Good” Jon Roth, “The Morbid Marvel” Sykko… The Loud Violent Riot!!!.
(“It’s A Long Way To The Top If You Wanna Rock n Roll” by AC/DC hits and Jon Roth and Sykko come to the ramp before walking to the ring. Roth tries to calm Sykko down on the way.))
Vince McMahon: These two young men are said to be the future of tag team wrestling.
Bobby Heenan: Well if they keep clashing with The Syndicate they won’t have much of a future in any business.
Howard Finkle: And their opponents accompanied by their manager the WWF champion Big Daddy Tees. At a total combined weight of 457lbs the team of Terry Funk and Jushin “Thunder” Liger The Syndicate!!!
(The crowd boos at the very mention of the name… as “Damage Ink” By Metallica hits and Big Daddy Tees escorts his team down the aisle. Liger is on his right and Funk is on his left but both are slightly behind Tees. He leads them down the aisle and takes his place at ringside as both men enter and prepare for battle. )
(The bell sounds and Terry Funk agrees to start things off with Jon Roth. Funk begins circling Roth like he’s going to lock up with him but then quickly tags Liger with a smirk on his face. Liger and Roth lock up with Liger getting the better of the exchange and backing Roth up into their corner where he is nailed by Funk on the outside. As Sykko tries to get into the ring it distracts the ref and allows Funk and Liger to illegally double team Roth. Funk chokes Roth with the tag rope on the outside as Sykko seeing what the ref can’t see tries to get into the ring and break up what’s going on. )
Vince McMahon: Get control of this situation ref.
Bobby Heenan: That Sykko really lives up to his name and doesn’t realize that damage he’s doing to his own partner.
(Meanwhile Liger and Funk have Roth stretched with the tag rope around his neck they nail a double closeline on him and each take turns tagging in and out and beating on him. Every time Roth begins crawling to his corner to try and tag in Sykko they pull him back and begin throwing him back first into the turnbuckle. Finally Roth lands a desperation DDT on Funk and quickly makes it to his corner tagging in Sykko who comes in like a house of fire. Nailing Funk with a back drop followed by a power bomb. He nails Liger and Tees for good measure. He connects with a running senton on Funk and goes for the cover but Funk is too close to the ropes. Liger comes into the ring and is met with Black Chandelier. Sykko picks up Funk and sets up for The Sykko driver when he feels the sensation of a steel chair across his back. The referee for whatever reason was distracted by Liger and Tees has managed to come into the ring. Sykko turns to face Tees after the chair shots have had virtually no effect on the big man. Tees begins backing down as Funk jumps on Sykko’s back and applies a sleeper. Sykko simply walks around with Funk on his back until Roth assist him in getting him off. Sykko tags Roth back in and Funk tags Liger. Liger nails Roth with a low blow which the ref didn’t catch followed up with a brain buster. He goes for the cover but Sykko breaks it up. Liger pulls Roth back to his corner and goes for the shooting star press but Roth gets the knees up. Roth connects with Something Rothen and goes for the cover but Funk breaks it up. )
Vince McMahon: What an intense back and forth tag team match.
(Roth again gets the upper hand and nails a triple German suplex but is unaware that Liger managed to tag Funk as he was going back. Roth climbs to the top rope and connects with Roth N’ Roll on Liger he goes for the cover but doesn’t get a count. He then notices that the ref is distracted by Sykko brawling with Tees on the other side of the ring. As Roth is distracted Funk comes back into the ring with the ring bell and slams Roth in the head with it. Funk then proceeds to nail a double arm DDT on the bell before sliding it out of the ring. Funk connects with The Piledriver if this wasn’t enough and Roth wasn’t already injured, Funk and Liger cap it off with a Final Destination. Funk pins Roth and the ref counts. Sykko makes one last desperate attempt to make the save but is too late 1 2 3.
McMahon: Funk and Liger really stole one here.
Bobby Heenan: Jon Roth appears to be dead he’s laying motionless on the canvas.
(Sykko rushes over to an injured and bleeding Roth. As he’s tending to his partner Liger brings the bell back into the ring and nails Sykko upside the head with it. But unlike Roth it appears to have no effect. Sykko begins screaming at Funk, Liger and Tees telling them to “bring it on.” With tears and anger in his eyes. EMT’s rush the ring and stretcher Roth out of there.)
Howard Finkle: Ladies and Gentlemen your winners The Syndicate…
(The crowd boos and begins throwing garbage in the ring as Tees, Funk and Liger celebrate on the floor. They head to the back as Roth is stretchered out.)
Winners By Suspect Pinfall: Liger and Funk (The Syndicate.)
Vince McMahon: Well ladies and gentleman that’s about all of the time we have this week… we’ll see you next week live from Madison Square Garden for an all new live, uncooked, uncut and uncensored edition of Monday Night Raw. Until then I’m Vince McMahon for Bobby Heenan saying so long everybody.
(The show fades out. With the WWF logo again flashing on the screen.)