Narrator: The World Wrestling Federation For Over 50 Years The Revolutionary force in sports entertainment.
(We head backstage at Madison Square Garden… Particularly in Terry Funk’s dressing room. Funk appears to be getting ready for his upcoming Intercontinental Championship match. Lacing his boots, putting wrist tape on so on and so forth when he is interrupted by Big Daddy Tees. Tees is dressed in a rather expensive suit he immediately shakes Funk’s hand.)
Tees: Don’t worry about this at all Terry you’ve got this and are going to win the Intercontinental championship tonight! Tunney can ban me from ringside but there’s nothing he can do about me buying the entire front row and sitting out there along with the rest of our brothers… and watching as you defeat those two clown’s Raven and Voo Voo and bring The Intercontinental Championship back to The Syndicate where it belongs.
Terry Funk: Thank you for believing in me Tees.
Tees: No problem Terry… you are my brother in arms and I’m with you until the end. It will be my honor and my privilege to face and defeat the legendary Terry Funk at Wrestlemania make me proud Terry. Good luck tonight!
(Funk gets an odd look on his face as Tees walks out of the room.)
Terry Funk: (To himself after Tees has departed) Luck is for losers I don’t need it I have skill and experience. Neither man is half the caliber of wrestler that I am. I’ll be going to Wrestlemania and I’ll be walking out a double champion.
(The following intro then plays across your non HD television set)
(The absurd sirens blare for several minutes as the camera pans around the arena showing a wide variety of fans holding up a variety of signs , signs for and against certain superstars. One signs says “Impeach Tunney” another says “The Syndicate sucks.” Another says “Raven Rules.” And “Voo Voo For President” We then come to the ringside area where Vince McMahon, Bobby Heenan and Gorilla Monson check in on commentary.)
Vince McMahon: HELLO EVERYONE AND WELCOME TO MADISON SQUARE GARDEN IN NEW YORK CITY…. WELCOME TO MONDAY NIGHT RAW! I’M VINCE MCMAHON AND JOINING ME ARE BOBBY “The Brain” Heenan and Gorilla Monson and what a show we have in store for you tonight! Big Daddy Tees will defend the WWF championship against a mystery opponent, we’ll crown a brand new Undisputed Intercontinental Champion and Mr. Goldstein will take on Randy “Macho Man” Savage in what should be a classic.
Bobby Heenan: It should indeed be an epic night but do you have any idea who Big Daddy Tees’ mystery opponent is? Also I find it extremely unfair that the man doesn’t even know his opponent and the match is less than an hour away.
Gorilla: It serves him right sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong.
Vince McMahon: Well let’s get down to business our very first match is about to begin!.
(We cut up to Howard Finkle)
Howard Finkle: Ladies and Gentleman the following contest is scheduled for one fall introducing first from Mexico City, Mexico he weighs in at 180lbs the The Morbid Marvel” Sykko!
(“Crazy Train” by Ozzy Osbourne hits and Sykko runs to the ring, making fun of several people in the crowd. He reaches the ringside area and gets a look of intensity on his face.)
Gorilla Monsoon: Out for Revenge Is The Big Guy.
Bobby Heenan: He won’t get it if… if anything he’ll end up joining his partner in the intensive care unit.
Gorilla Monsoon: You’re going to end up in intensive care if you keep it up.
McMahon: Gentleman please calm it down.
Heenan: You’re one to talk McMahon did you take my advice and switch to decaf?
McMahon: NO BOBBY I DIDN’T.. decaf gives me the runs.
Heenan: That was more than I needed to know.
Howard Finkle: And his opponent he hails from Hiroshima. Japan and weighs in at 210lbs accompanied by his manager Big Daddy Tees, Jushin “Thunder” Liger!!!
(“Ikari no Jushin” hits and Liger makes his way out to a mixed reaction with more boos than cheers as he is accompanied by Big Daddy Tees, some fire works go off as does some smoke as Liger makes his way down the aisle and toward the ringside area, he enters the ring and prepares for battle. Tees takes his place at ringside.)
Gorilla Monsoon: Should be an epic battle.
( Sykko immediately takes it to Liger knocking him down with a vicious closeline. He hits a spring board cutter followed up by several back to back power slams. He nails a Deadlift Saito Suplex and goes for a cover but Liger kicks out at two. Liger rolls out to the floor trying to escape and Sykko goes out after him. Tees seems to step aside as Sykko picks up Liger and drops him throat first across the barricade. He rolls Liger back into the ring.)
Gorilla: Sykko dominating here.
Bobby Heenan: It’s only the beginning ape boy don’t count Liger out yet!
(Sykko nails a splash on Liger and again goes for the cover but Liger gets the shoulder up. Sykko nails a Black Chandelie followed by a 630 Senton he injures himself as well but manages to get up. As he’s going in to finish Liger off Tees grabs hold of his foot and trips him. Sykko heads to the outside in pursuit of Tees who begs off. As Sykko is distracted Liger nails a diving Moonsault driving the back of Sykko’s head into the barricade dazing him)
Vince McMahon: Sykko got the worst of that exchange he appears to be out.
Heenan: You think?
(Liger follows up by rolling Sykko into the ring. He nails a shooting star press and then places Sykko in position for the Liger bomb he connects with full force and goes right into a pinning combination the ref jumps down 1 2 3. Liger is victorious. )
Bobby Heenan: Jushin Liger with an incredible come from behind victory looks like Sykko’s revenge has been denied.
Gorilla: This is far from over.
(“Ikari no Jushin”hits again as Liger and Tees celebrate and then quickly head to the back.)
Howard Finkle: Ladies and gentleman your winner Jushin “Thunder” Liger
Winner By Pinfall: Jushin “Thunder” Liger
(We head back to the locker room where “Mean” Gene Okerlund is standing by with WWF President Jack Tunney.)
Mean Gene: President Tunney everyone wants to know who is Big Daddy Tees’ mystery opponent for the WWF championship? Don’t you feel it’s time to reveal the identity of the person who will be challenging for the WWF championship in a matter of minutes?
Jack Tunney: Gene you’ll have to wait like Tees and everyone else. I will reveal the person’s identity once the match is about to begin.
Gene: It doesn’t appear that we are going to get any answers here Vince, Gorilla, Bobby Back to you!
(We head back to the announcers.)
Vince McMahon: Well there you have it looks like we’ll have to wait just a little bit longer.
Bobby Heenan: Tunney is a moron and should be impeached. This is really unfair to Big Daddy Tees.
Gorilla Monsoon: Big Daddy Tees brought this all on himself. And life isn’t fair. I mean I’m stuck having to work with you on a fairly regular basis much to my chagrin.
Bobby Heenan: Hardy, Har har moron!
(Monsoon looks as though he’s going to clock Heenan he moves toward him before being stopped by McMahon)
Vince McMahon: Now fellas leave the physical stuff to the wrestlers.
(Back to Howard “The Fink” Finkle who like always is dressed in a WWF issued Tux)
Howard Finkle: Ladies and gentlemen the following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first from Sarasota, Florida he weighs in at 237lbs “ Macho Man” Randy Savage!
(“Pomp and Circumstance” plays as Randy Savage steps out from behind the curtain to a thunderous round of cheers. He walks slowly down the ramp, slapping hands with the fans. He slides in the ring as he removes his hat, handing it to Miss Elizabeth.)
Gorilla: Macho Man on a bit of a losing streak looking to break that tonight.
Bobby Heenan: He’s going against the ever impressive Mr. Goldstein who is managed by my good friend and buddy… the WWF champion himself Big Daddy Tees. Savage is in for a rough night.
Vince McMahon: Goldstein has yet to taste defeat but there is a first time for everything. I have heard stories about Goldstein’s lethal elbow drops and his ability to break boards and bricks with his elbows.
Bobby Heenan: Those stories are completely true I have witnessed it first hand. The man’s elbows are lethal weapons and should be registered. If he nails Savage with a few of those… Savage will have more than a losing streak to worry about as his career and even his life could very well be ended.
Howard Finkle: And his opponent he hails from Garden Grove, California and weighs in at 247lbs, accompanied by his manager the WWF champion Big Daddy Tees “The Undisputable” Mr. Goldstein.
(“Beethoven’s 5th” hits and the crowd instantly erupts in a chorus of boos. Mr. Goldstein makes his way out along with Big Daddy Tees. Goldstein is sporting a solid gold robe. He walks down the aisle gazing upon the fans with a look of disdain and arrogance as though he is better than them. Many of them try and touch him but he simply brushes them off and continues his march toward the ringside area as the music plays. Goldstein enters the ring and removes his robe. He gives it to the ring attendant with strict instructions that if anything happens to his robe something sure is hell is going to happen to them. He awaits the bell… as Tees takes his place at ringside.)
(The Bell sounds)
(Savage nails Goldstein from behind with a knee sending him to the outside of the ring. Savage follows after Goldstein and repeatedly nails knee drops on Goldstein.)
Monsoon: Savage with a Pearl Harbor job here.
Bobby Heenan: You do what you have to do and Savage is an animal that’s been backed into a corner.
(Goldstein manages to get a thumb to Savage’s eye and the tide of the match turns. He rams Savage head first into the ring steps, the ring post and the guardrail before tossing him back into the ring and breaking the refs count. Goldstein then nails repeated knees to the mid-section on Savage and lays in with some vicious knife edge chops and stiff elbows in the corner. Savage falls into the ropes and becomes entangled and Goldstein really lets him have it with stiff elbow shots to the forehead. Savage attempts to kick at Goldstein but is unsuccessful. Savage begins bleeding profusely. )
Gorilla: Savage bleeding like a stuck pig the referee may want to step in there and stop this.
Heenan: Savage knew what he was signing up for and how dangerous Goldstein is.
(Goldstein finally releases Savage from the ropes after receiving a stern warning from the ref. Goldstein then begins to target Savages’ leg ramming it into the ring post, placing it between the middle and bottom rope and jumping on it and chop blocking Savage as he attempts to get up. Goldstein stalks Savage and connects with a knee breaker right in the middle of the ring. Savage falls to the ground and can’t stand as Goldstein stalks his prey. He mocks Savage and Elizabeth and easily applies the figure four.)
Heenan: Savage has no where to Go. He better submit if he knows what’s good for him.
McMahon: For once Heenan I agree with you live to fight another day.
(Savage tries to get out but can’t Goldstein is too powerful, too dominant in spite of a gallant effort to break the hold Savage begins to fade. The ref checks him and ends up dropping his arm three times. )
Bobby Heenan: Savage is out he couldn’t withstand the pain… that’s as good as a submission.
(Goldstein’s hand is raised in victory as Beethoven’s 5th hits again. He celebrates along with Tees and for good measure climbs the top turnbuckle and then delivers a vicious stiff diving elbow drop to Savage.)
Gorilla: That was totally uncalled for!
Heenan: He just wanted to put an exclamation point on a beating and leave Savage with a parting gift.
(Goldstein gives Elizabeth a wink as she checks on Savage with a concerned look on her face… before Goldstein heads to the back along with Tees.)
Howard Finkle: Ladies and gentleman … your winner by way of submission Mr. Goldstein!
Winner by Submission: Mr. Goldstein
(We return from commercial break to find Michael “P.S” Hayes standing in the ring along with Mr. Perfect as Perfect’s music is still playing. The match is about to begin when both men are viciously attacked by Terry Funk. They try and fight Funk off and work together but Funk is just too much for even the both of them combined. Funk takes Hayes to the outside and removes the protective mat he then delivers a vicious pile driver. Funk then grabs a steel chair and repeatedly hits Mr. Perfect with it finishing it up by giving Perfect a stiff DDT right onto the chair. EMT’s rush to attend to both men as Funk grabs a mic)
Gorilla: WHAT’S HE DOING OUT HERE! HE’S GOT NO BUSINESS OUT HERE HIS MATCH ISN’T UNTIL LATER!
Bobby Heenan: Calm down Monsoon! He’s Terry Funk he goes where he wants when he wants and does whatever he pleases to whomever he pleases.
Vince McMahon: But this isn’t the wild west there are rules and regulations here in the World Wrestling Federation.
Bobby Heenan: Pipe down McMahon! The Man is about to speak.
Terry Funk: You simple minded morons can doubt me all you’d like. You can say I’m too old… that I’m out manned and out matched. You can say whatever you like you low down, good for nothing egg sucking dogs. But the fact of the matter is this come hell or high water I’m leaving here tonight as the Intercontinental Heavyweight Champion and I’m going to Wrestlemania to become the WWF champion! It makes no difference to me whether you like it, love it or hate it… it’s just the way it’s going to be.
(Funk tosses down the mic as his music briefly plays we head to commercial and when we return Funk is still in the ring with the music playing.)
Howard Finkle: LADIES AND GENTLEMAN THE FOLLOWING TRIPLE THREAT CONTEST IS SCHEDULED FOR ONE FALL AND WILL DECIDE THE Intercontinental championship. Introducing first currently in the ring He hails from The Double Cross Ranch, Amarillo, Texas. And weighs in at 247lbs Terry Funk!!!
(The crowd boos as the camera shows Funk’s fellow Syndicate members sitting at ringside and a close up shot of The Intercontinental championship belt)
Howard Finkle: And his opponents first from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania weighing in at 240lbs Raven!!!
(The opening riff “Hate To Feel” echoes throughout the arena as Raven slowly walks out on the ramp with his arms spread. He then stretches his arm to the direction the ring and screams, before slowly walking to the ring. He gets on the apron, where he spreads his hands and screams again, then he gets in the ring and is prepared for the match.)
Gorilla Monsoon: Raven looks focused and intense tonight.
Heenan: He better be there is a lot at stake here.
Howard Finkle: And from Mt. Airy, Maryland he weighs in at 190lbs Mighty Voo Voo!!!
(Dead Man’s Party by Oingo Boingo hits over the PA system, and Mighty Voovoo walks onto the stage, he struts down the ramp, dancing a little, having his motion match the rhythm of the trumpets when they are heard. He gets down to the ring, and takes off his white cape with the giant blue V and gives it to the ring hand. He hops onto the ring apron, and jumps over the top rope. He walks over to each corner of the ring, pointing to individuals in the audience, and giving them a thumbs up if they are giving any hints that they are fans of the 80’s too. Perhaps they are wearing an old Mario shirt, or an old Star Wars shirt, any 80’s reference will make Mighty Voovoo smile. His music dies down and he stands in his corner of the ring.)
Bobby Heenan: This Voo Voo Is a nut job stuck in the 80’s he ought to be put away.
Gorilla: You ought to be put away
Vince McMahon: Voo Voo looks in shape and ready to compete for the Intercontinental championship. Let’s take you back and show you how this match came about.
(A Video package airs depicting the events of last week where Terry Funk dressed as Doink the clown interrupted a match between Raven and Voo Voo that would determine who would face him in the finals of the Intercontinental championship tournament. Funk along with Tees attempted to have the match thrown out so that Funk would simply be awarded the title and not have to face anyone. Their plan ultimately backfired when WWF president Jack Tunney decreed that Funk would now have to face both men in a triple threat match and that should Big Daddy Tees interfere he would be immediately stripped of the WWF championship and fired with the same going for any of his associates. Funk proceeded to dress Raven and Voo Voo up like clowns saying/implying that they were the true clowns and joking if they thought they could defeat him.)
Gorilla: Both of these men are going to be out for revenge and this’ll be a fair fight with Big Daddy Tees barred from ringside and facing heavy consequences and repercussions should he or any of his goon squad interfere.
Bobby Heenan: He’s here in spirit and will provide moral support Monsoon. Terry Funk is walking out with the belt tonight.
Vince McMahon: And how do you know this? The odds are against him with two men who are after his head who will no doubt be working together to eliminate him from this match.
Bobby Heenan: From two very reliable sources… Big Daddy Tees and Terry Funk.
Gorilla: It figures.
(The bell sounds and all three men circle each other. The other Syndicate members are shown at ringside cheering Funk on. Raven and Voo Voo both attack Funk and beat the crap out of him with a series of double team rights and lefts causing him to stagger back into the corner. Raven nails a lariat into the corner on Funk and goes for a cover forgetting about Voo Voo and Voo Voo quickly breaks it up. He sends Raven to the outside and tries to pin Funk himself after an elbow drop. But Raven pulls Voovoo to the outside and sends him into the guard rail. Funk and Raven then begin going at it on the floor Funk sends Raven head first into the ring steps. Funk and Raven continue brawling back and forth until Voo Voo connects with a moonsault onto both men which the crowd approves of and begins cheering for.)
Vince McMahon: Talk about wild back and forth action.
(Voo Voo attempts to pin Raven but Funk breaks it up. Funk goes for a roll up on Voo Voo but Raven makes the save. )
Gorilla: Voo Voo and Raven out for revenge here.
Bobby Heenan: They won’t get it Terry Funk is going to find a way to win this match.
(Voo Voo and Funk fight to the outside and Funk again removes the protective padding. He attempts to pile drive Voo Voo on the concrete much like he did to Michael Hayes prior to the start of this match but Voo Voo counters into a back body drop which sends Funk down hard on his back and the back of his head giving the appearance that he’s knocked out. )
McMahon: Terry Funk may be out of it here.
Bobby Heenan: No! I put money on him get up… get up!!
(Voo Voo and Raven fight back into the ring and continue brawling. Raven knocks Voo Voo down and nails a roaring elbow right to the sternum. He goes for a cover but Voo Voo Kicks out. Raven sets up for the Even Flow but Voo VOO counters out of it. Voo Voo follows up by hitting the Flash back and a frog splash. )
Gorilla: Voo Voo Has this match won it’s got to be over here.
(Voo Voo has Raven pinned for what appears to be a ten count. But notices that the ref is nowhere to be found. He’s out checking on Terry Funk who still hasn’t moved and assisting other refs and emt’s with getting Funk on a stretcher. )
Bobby Heenan: GET UP TERRY! I got money on you.
(The Ref finally comes back into the ring and Voo Voo again goes for the cover a commotion from the crowd has gone unnoticed by Voo Voo as Terry Funk has recovered and gotten off of the stretcher. Funk comes back into the ring and breaks up the cover. He nails Voo Voo with a high knee to the back sending him out of the ring and takes advantage of the situation. Raven is injured so Funk nails him with a pile driver and a moonsault. Funk goes for the cover and the ref counts 1 2 3 Voo Voo makes an attempt to get back into the ring but isn’t quick enough Funk is awarded the match and the Intercontinental championship.)
Bobby Heenan: Terry Funk has done it I told you he would!!.
Gorilla: This is highway robbery Brain and you know it. Funk faked an injury and came back to steal a victory and the title from Voo Voo.
Bobby Heenan: Well as my good friend Jesse Ventura always says “win if you can… lose if you must but always cheat.”
Howard Finkle: Ladies and gentleman your winner and NEW INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION TERRY FUNK!!!.
(“Man With a Harmonica” plays as Funk is presented with The Intercontinental Championship he holds it high in the air as the rest of The Syndicate come into the ring and celebrates along with him lifting him up on their shoulders. The group taunts a frustrated Voo Voo who jaw jacks with them. )
Winner Via Pinfall And New Intercontinental Champion: Terry Funk
Vince McMahon: It’s now time for the main event it’s time to learn the identity of the mystery opponent who will challenge for the WWF championship.
Howard Finkle: The following contest is the second of two main events of the evening and is scheduled for one fall and is for the WWF championship. Introducing first he is the WWF champion Big Daddy Tees!!!
(“Master Of Puppets” by Metallica hits and Jon Tees steps through the curtain to immediate boos from the crowd with the WWF championship around his waist. Younger children look on with a mixture of fear, astonishment and respect while older fans range from cheering to booing and shouting obscenities. Tees continues down the aisle toward the ringside area paying little to no mind to the fans he steps over the top rope and get ready to take care of business.)
(Jack Tunney then makes his way out.)
Jack Tunney: Without further ado I give to you the mystery man who will challenge for the WWF championship Road Warrior Animal.
(WHAT A RUSH! Hits and Road Warrior Animal makes his entrance to overwhelming cheers.)
Gorilla: He’s back… he’s back Road Warrior Animal is back.
McMahon: What a surprise.
Bobby Heenan: This is completely bogus he’s done nothing to earn a title opportunity he’s a tag team wrestler and his partner has been missing for years.
(The bell sounds and Animal Immediately takes it to Tees nailing several stiff shoulder blocks followed up with multiple power slams he goes for the cover but Tees kicks out. )
Gorilla Monsoon: I smell a title change here.
Bobby Heenan: No you don’t that’s the cheap food in this place.
(Animal nails a diving shoulder block from the top rope and attempts to go for a diving splash for whatever reason but Tees rolls out of the way. Tees nails Animal with several stiff elbows in the corner and throws him to the mat. He applies a reverse chin lock but Animal powers out and sends Tees off the ropes. Whatever Animal is attempting backfires and Tees connects with a stiff boot followed up with a head butt. He nails snake eyes in the corner followed up with The Tees driver. He goes for the cover and the ref counts 1 2 3 Big Daddy Tees has won and is still WWF champion. )
Bobby Heenan: Big Daddy Tees has done it… he’s knocked off Road Warrior Animal and has retained the WWF championship!.
Gorilla Monsoon: I don’t believe this but have to give the devil his due he did emerge victorious in a highly competitive match.
(Jack Tunney is shown on the stage looking disappointed and downtrodden. )
Vince McMahon: Well ladies and gentleman that’s about all of the time we have this week… tune in next week for a brand new live edition of Monday Night Raw. I’m Vince McMahon for Bobby “The Brain” Heenan and Gorilla Monsoon saying so long everyone.
Howard Finkle: Ladies and gentleman your winner and still WWF champion Big Daddy Tees!!!
(The credits roll as Tees stands tall celebrating his victory and holding the title high in the air as “Master Of Puppets” Plays)
Winner Via Pinfall and Still WWF Champion: Big Daddy Tees.