From The First Hand Prospective Of Heinrich Von Tees


One of my clients a man I’ll refer to as “Mr. X” had recently been fired from his job as a line cook based solely on the word of a co-worker who was a known liar and substance abuser. A man with a first name I won’t use, but his last name was “Dora” as in Dora The Mother Fucking Explorer. This Dora, had accused my client of “assault” for merely tapping him on the shoulder. Proceeding my client’s unjust firing he was also suspended for over a week entirely on Dora’s accusation. X had approached me wanting to get his “Money’s Worth” regarding Mr. Dora. If Dora was going about town claiming he was assaulted and talking “lawsuit.” My client wanted to see to it that Dora was actually assaulted, my client was more than willing to pay legit medical expenses if he were forced to, but the last thing he wanted to do was some money grubbing junky to slander his name and reputation, and force him to “pay out” on something he had nothing to do with. My mission was clear, to beat the ever loving piss out of Dora, beat him so badly he’d have lifelong medical problems for as long as he shall miserably live.  Dressed entirely in black, black polo, black leather bomber jacket, black jeans, black gloves, black leather boots. I approach Dora’s residence at round midnight. Approaching his bedroom window I began singing his name to the tone of Tura-Lura-Lural only I replace the words with “Dora, Dora, Dora .” when this fails to get a reaction I smash Dora’s bedroom window with a huge rock. He comes charging out with a golf club. I disappear into the background. Dora wondering what happened walks right into my fist. I punch and kick him repeatedly in the ribs and face. He begins bleeding profusely. As I stand over him, ready to finish him off, it’s then that he mutters “I’m not Dora… you’ve got the wrong guy.” I respond by saying “My Mistake.” And then pummel the piss out of him some more. I take his golf club and beat him with that for a while before breaking it over his head. I disappear into the night as I start to notice some nearly lights coming on. I return to Mr. X and collect the rest of my payment. I realize Dora was lying as I have seen pictures and checked and rechecked the information to remove the very possibility that I’d go to the wrong location.

The End.