Mr. Goldstein has decided to turn in after a long day. He dresses in his HARWICH PLAID PAJAMAS which are a royal blue color with a golden colored monogram on the left breast. He has a matching sleep cap, just as he is about to doze off the phone rings.

Ring, Ring, Ring
Goldstein answers prior to the fourth ring, even though at that point the voicemail is sure to pick up.

Goldstein: Hello.

Goldstein gets no response

Goldstein: Hello…. Hello!, Anyone There?

Goldstein slams the receiver down in anger. And tries to get to sleep
Just as he does RING, RING, RING the phone rings once more it’s sound nearly as irritating as nails on a chalk board.


Just as Goldstein is about to slam the receiver down in frustration and anger and take the phone off of the hook, the voice on the other end speaks. The voice is disguised somehow, though is familiar to Goldstein… someone he knows as a friend, associate or acquaintance perhaps.

Voice: Pervert, Pervert, Pervert You’re A Fucking Pervert.

Goldstein: Excuse Me!, who is this?

Voice: Someone who knows you’re a fucking pervert and I’m going to expose you to the world… you fucking good for nothing pervert… I’ll ruin you if it’s the last thing I do. Pervert…. Sinner.

Goldstein: It appears you have made a mistake friend… you have me confused for someone else and if you persist in this your mistake shall be a fatal one. I’m not a man you want to screw around with. I could easily ring your neck and twist your body into a pretzel would you like that? If not I strongly suggest you refrain from calling here in the future.


Goldstein: I have ways of finding out who you are and am going to Wrap my FUCKING HANDS AROUND YOUR Pencil neck and strangle you.

Voice: I doubt it seriously YOU FUCKING PERVERT.

Voice: Your pornography addiction consumes you… you spend the majority of your day jacking it to porn… bizarre porn at that. People farting on one another, crapping in front of one another… pissing on each other and so on… you’re one sick son of a bitch and I’m going to expose you… unless you pay me ten million dollars for the rest of my life.

Goldstein: So extortion is your game is it? Not that you have anything on me… but even if you did… I’d much rather spend that money to have you and your family (assuming you have one.) killed as opposed to paying you off. You’ve obviously confused me for someone else and I’ve entertained you much longer than I should have… good day to you.

Goldstein slams down the receiver and immediately receives a call back. He picks it up… slams it down and this time leaves it off of the hook.

Goldstein: I’m going to find out who this is and then I’m going to torture and perhaps kill them… even if I have to go through a long laundry list of possible suspects. How this person knows about my secrete life is beyond me… but quite frankly it’s no ones business what goes on behind my bedroom door.

Fade out.