(Scene opens with a bloody scene in the locker room. Several wrestlers and personnel appear to be dead or at least seriously injured. All have fallen victim to crazed individuals who decided to launch a random attack for reasons known only to them. One of the bodies looks extremely familiar it appears to be that of “The Hardcore Enigma” Big J his face a bloody, crimson mask his body filled with bullet and knife wounds. J is placed onto a stretcher and a sheet is placed over him. His bloody arm falls off of the side. Suddenly the entire scene disappears and we come into a shot of Jon Tees sitting in a dark room with nothing but empty black nothingness aside from a spot light focused on himself.)
Tees: The horrific scene you previously witnessed fortunately did not actually happen. No one was killed and everyone is very much alive and doing well. However this is a scene that would have played out had I not come to ESW… so let me just say that you are welcome. That’s right had I not come here crazed and disgruntled people would have murdered nearly everyone on the roster… but once I signed with the company these people figured “why bother?” And changed their minds about launching a deadly assault on this place. You should all be kissing and worshipping the ground I walk on and believe me you will be you owe me your worthless lives.
(Tees takes a puff of a cigar and continues on.)
Tees: I’m not here to destroy this place as jealous and envious people like to claim. People who wish that they were me and could live my life and hate the fact that they aren’t and they can’t. I actually came here to save this place from itself and make it better… bring it to new and greater heights…. Heights it could never possibly reach without me. This is exactly what I will do. With my guidance and direction ESW will become bigger and better than Anarchy Wrestling ever was or ever could be. We are going to put the wrestling back in ESW and simply remove the extreme and suicidal for these are the things that shorten lives and careers. You are now enjoying being alive now because of me and you will continue to enjoy the gift of life for many years to come because of me once I completely abolish hardcore wrestling. You may think me a bit of a Grinch in the moment but years from now when you look back on your long and prosperous lives, still able to play with your grandchildren and get out of bed in the morning… you’ll thank me and appreciate what I will be doing for you now. I know it’s ironic that I have to resort to getting extreme and violent in order to accomplish my mission but so be it. The ends always justify the means.
Tees: Psycho Asylum you can talk all of the shit about me that you want but when push comes to shove all it is is shit. You have no clue about my long and illustrious career at all. All that you seem to know about me is the fact that I was indeed Anarchy Wrestling. If It wasn’t for me Anarchy Wrestling would have died a whole hell of a lot sooner than it actually did… that’s a fact look it up. Every time you two ugly ass crones open your mouths shit comes out. I have beaten the best and the so called best for a longer period of time than you two whores have even been alive. The best parts of you ran down your mother’s ass cracks and left a brown stain on the mattress. If your fathers knew what kind of daughter’s they would have ended up with they may as well have pulled out and shot into a pot as you are both nothing more than a couple of blooming idiots. Typical women… talk… talk… talk. I’m a man of action and I will back up every word I have said and prove why I am in multiple halls of fames and have dominated numerous wrestling promotions around the world. Mr. Goldstein is a man after my own heart a true champion in this industry and he will back up all of the perfectly valid claims I have made about him. I could never do justice to how great of an athlete… how great of a man Mr. Goldstein truly is. A picture is truly worth a thousand words and stay tuned because you will both find out when myself and Goldstein win this TLC match and bring prestige and honor back to the currently meaningless tag team championships of the ESW.
Tees: Now Uprising you still haven’t said anything and we haven’t really focused on you. That doesn’t mean we won’t come prepared to send you out of the arena on a gurney. This match will be violent, it will be brutal, it’ll demonstrate a point of how badly professional wrestling needs to be reformed. We are willing to epitomize everything that is terrible about hardcore wrestling in order to destroy it. We’ll hit you with chairs, smash you with ladders, put you through tables and do whatever the hell else we have to do to emerge victorious. We would much rather win ugly than lose pretty and we aren’t going to be losing anything.
Tees: All four of you owe your very lives to me for even coming here. Had I signed with another wrestling company you would all be dead victims of insane killers who would have taken out their frustrations for their pointless existences out on the roster and staff of this place. But like I have done so many times before I saved the day and prevented this from happening merely by the stroke of a pen. Once more you are welcome and you’ll be thanking me for years and decades to come.
(Tees pulls out a large machete and walks toward the sound of a lamb making typical lamb noises.)
Tees: You are all a bunch of lambs being led to your slaughter and you are too stupid to realize it.
(Tees proceeds to chop the head off of the lamb he than smirks evilly as the scene fades)