(All of your lives you have been told that monsters are make believe… that they don’t exist and are merely figments of your overactive, childish imagination. But what most people fail to realize is that this is a bunch of bullshit. There really are monsters in the world… monsters who are far worse than you could possibly imagine in your wildest nightmares. )


(A Voice begins saying the following in a first person narration. The voice is extremely familiar to most. )

(I had heard stories of a man named Das Ungeheuer since my early adulthood prior to getting involved in the wrestling business. Das Ungeheuer apparently was soul eating monster who preyed upon impure people. People who resorted to prostitution and other forms of crime, rapist, pedophiles, murders and those who turned their backs on Christianity. I had intended to align with Das Ungeheuer and put him to use to do my bidding. For you see I am a very successful man in professional wrestling. Which makes me a very hated many by those who envy me or feel I have wronged them. I am arguably the greatest wrestler, manager and promoter that this business has ever seen and that fact pisses a lot of people off. I speak the truth when I say…. I am everything people wish they could be and so much more. And in the case of my enemies these people cannot handle the truth and want to bring harm to me. Since I had my people following the Das Ungeheuer situation. I had been informed that Das Ungeheuer was being detained in North Africa due to killing 10 rebel soldiers. Lucky for me he was being detained by the Government and not the rebels. I arrived on a normal dusty day in Africa to lay claim to the legendary beast. After traveling down a dusty bumpy road. I arrived in a camp where I was greeted by Mr. Makonie. A man of African descent but who spoke pretty clear English. As good as could be expected in this area.)

Jon Tees: So Mr. Makonie are you sure this thing in this cage is Das Ungeheuer?

Mr. Makonie: I sure am Mr. Tees do you wish for me to lift the sheet and show you?

Jon Tees: Please do I’ve dreamed about this my entire life.


(Makonie proceeded to lift the black sheet which covered the cage without completely unveiling what lied beneath if. I was shall I say impressed with the physical specimen I saw. )


Jon Tees: Wow! It’s everything I hoped it would be and will perfectly serve my purposes in ESW.


(The beast began stirring and slamming into the side of its cage as I spoke to Makonie on the outside.)


Jon Tees: So how much do you want for it?


Makonie: Fifty Thousand American. I think you will agree it’s worth the price. This beast has killed countless armed soldiers as well as other dangerous people. It knows no limit and will surely make good inside of the wrestling ring.


Jon Tees: No problem That’s a fair price for what I’m getting. Nobody will dare screw with me with this thing in my possession.

Makonie: Beware its fighting is improved greatly but it’s not human, it’s devoid of emotion and compassion.

Jon Tees: That’s what I like about it. I’ll write your check and be on my way.


(I proceeded to write the check for Makonie. I was thrilled by what I was getting. This was by far the most impressive thing I had ever seen in my life. I do not plan to reveal it, as I want my cut of your hard earned money before I do so.)

(I could have been on my way then. But I had been meaning to address the ESW and the upcoming Massacre card and the battle royal in particular. . As the manager of greatness and destiny I decided to make the opposing men in this battle royal my first sacrifices to my pet monster. )


Jon Tees: Inside of this cage, stands a monster with no heart, no compassion and no soul. This monster is now in the possession of yours truly and will soon be unleashed upon those who oppose me within ESW. You see I am here for complete dominance and control. I plan on tearing the place down and rebuilding it in my image, and with the beast within this cage under my control and doing my bidding there is no one, and I repeat no one who will be able to stop me and disrupt my plans. My enemies know who they are and I will be coming for them before they come for me. But the first targets on my path are the other men in this battle royal in which my monster has been entered. I’ll start off by addressing the man that Mr. Goldstein systematically took apart piece by piece last week Garret McIntyre… McIntyre if you think what Goldstein did to you was bad and you were worse for wear because of it you haven’t experienced anything yet. With all due respect to Mr. Goldstein the monster inside of this cage will do far worse to you and everyone else placed before him.  If you continue to tangle with me and my associates McIntyre you’re going to find that your career in this business and your stay in this company will be a very quick and very painful one. You started late and if you keep finding yourself booked against people I manage you’re going find your career ending before it ever really got started. You barely showed up against Goldstein and you’d do well to not show up at all when it comes to my monster.


(I took a sip of bottled water and continued)

Jon Tees: Damien Castle I do not know you, and quite frankly I don’t want to know you. Your stay in ESW will be a quick and painful one much like McIntyre’s, if you continued to find yourself booked against my associates. At Massacre you will experience a hell of a lot of pain, as I feed you to my newfound monster. I’ll shoot straight with you kid. You’ll be begging to be killed and sent to hell as what you will ensure at the hands of the rampaging beast within this cage will make you beg for death as opposed to a life of continued agony.


Jon Tees: Now Satan’s Apprentice. I hear you are a very bad man, a very wicked and unrighteous man. This is good as my monster enjoys feeding on such people. He draws strength from the sins of his opponents and uses that strength to destroy them. Your best bet is to stay out of the way of my monster for as long as possible. You’re end is inevitable but you certainly won’t want to prolong your suffering. This isn’t the sort of monster that’s just going to throw you over the top rope and out to the floor… He’s the sort who is going to make you bleed and suffer first having his fun before he sends you to your elimination and wins the whole damn thing and whatever prize comes with it.


Jon Tees: Johnny Rebel, Phoenix Octane and Erik Dafoe. Some of your names look familiar and some look like you may be new to this promotion. But whatever the case you’ll all be taking that short ride over the top rope followed by a long ride in the back of an ambulance at the hands of my monster. There won’t be any survivors here everyone dumb enough to have entered or been entered into this battle royal will be destroyed by my monster Das Ungeheuer


Jon Tees: You have all been warned. Hell is empty and the devil is here.


(With that the cage rattled as the monster thrashed about within as the scene fades to black.)

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