(Scene opens sometime in the very distance past about 20 years ago to be exact and quite possibly not even in this universe or reality. In this particular reality, the one where we are currently located Jesse “The Body” Ventura is still working for the WWF and still hosting “The Body Shop.” Even though in the reality we know Jesse left the WWF for WCW years prior and stopped hosting “The Body Shop” long before his departure from the company. Anyway, in this alternate reality Jesse is bench pressing prior to our arrival. Ventura is dressed in a black pair of jeans with black cowboy boots and a black leather jacket. Under the jacket he is wearing one of his Jesse “The Body” t-shirts. Rather strange work out attire. Ventura ceases and desists working out when he “realizes” that the camera is present. He begins addressing the folks at home.)
Jesse Ventura: I’ve seen quite a few one sided match ups and dominate performances in my career. I’ve dominated my opponents and seen others dominate theirs from bell to bell, beginning to end. And usually when someone is dominating they end up winning the match with quite a bit of ease. However, my guest this week did not experience that at all. His opponent barely managed to defeat him when he seemingly had that match in the bag. Please welcome the current reigning and defending World Wrestling Federation Champion Big Daddy Tees.
(“Master Of Puppets” hits and Big Daddy Tees makes his way out dressed in a rather expensive three piece black and gray pinstripe suit like always he is wearing the WWF championship around his waist. He shakes Ventura’s hand as he so often does.)
Ventura: So BDT what happened last week in your match against Mesterio Raine? You looked like you had him beat and had the match won.
Big Daddy Tees: You’re right Jesse! I had him beat, I had the match won… victory was in my grasp. But once more I got robbed some jealous fart knocker in the back decided to screw around… they played that music… distracted me and the rest I don’t even want to think about. I was screwed worse than a $5 tramp in Vegas. It was horrible… it was awful but mark my words It’s far from over. I am still your World Wrestling Federation champion and I will be for as long as the world keeps spinning, the sun keeps shining and as long as I damn well feel like it. I’m never going to lose this belt never.
(Tees then begins waking up realizing that the previous was a dream.)
Tees: Never…. Never… never (begins chewing on pillow)
Temptress: Jon…. Jon wake up, you’re having that dream again.
(Tees comes to.)
Tees: Damn, I really need to lay off the chili before bed it just doesn’t agree with me.
Temptress: I told you.
Temptress: You should have listened. I mean who eats chili at 3 in the morning? It’s just not healthy.
Tees: But my five alarm chili is just so fucking awesome.
Tees: I was WWF champion you know for a brief yet dominate moment in time back in 1993. There was no one who could beat me. But when I left the company they tried to erase the memory of my ever being there, ever being champion. They even hired someone to steal my championship belt and erased all footage of me and then pretended like I never fucking existed. How could they do something like that to someone who has done so much for the company and literally put his body on the line each and every time they competed? Talk about a bunch of fucking ingrates.
Temptress: I know, they were wrong and they paid the price for it. But honey let go of your anger it’s just not healthy. And besides that happened 20 years ago.
Tees: I know, but some wounds take longer to heal than others. But this one was reopened last week when I was once again screwed out of my inevitable victory over Mesterio Raine. I would have won that match victory was in my grasp until that dreadful music started to play… his music…
Temptress: Who’s Music?
Tees: The man I despise so much I dare not speak his name. The very mention of it puts me in an angry, homicidal rage and often results in someone getting seriously injured and myself getting into legal trouble for causing said injury. But everyone responsible will pay I’ll see to it.
(Tees and Temptress fall back to sleep and hours pass. Tees awakes and hits the gym (the one inside of his large mansion) he runs the track, lifts some weights, goes for a swim, hits the showers and grabs some breakfast. Fade out)
(Hours pass and Tees is standing outside what looks to be a strip club smoking a joint. He is dressed in a black suit with a red dress shirt, no tie, shiny black shoes and is wearing a pair of aviator sunglasses black frames with brown tint lenses. He appears to be waiting for someone. He puts out his joint as a Rolls Royce pulls up. A man who looks all too familiar gets out of the rolls and approaches Tees extending his hand. The man is none other than “Mr. Wrestling” Tony Carter. Carter and Tees begin speaking.)
Carter: I’m still working on the details but I think I may have a good idea who was involved. I’ve got the information for you, but so this person doesn’t catch on I’m not naming names on the air. We’ll keep it confidential and you can see to it that they get what they have coming to them at your convenience.
Tees: Sounds good to me.
(Carter hands Tees some information apparently connected to the identity of whoever played the music which caused him to become distracted and led to his downfall. )
Tees: Ok, let’s do this.
(Tony Carter begins speaking to a camera man.)
Tony C: Hello there peons, peasants and piss-ants. It’s me… it’s me… professional wrestling’s number one journalist Tony C. And I’m standing here alongside a man who needs no introduction, a legend in this business , multi time world and tag team champion as well as manager of champions, a man who has literally done everything there is to do in this industry Jon Tees.
Tony C: Now Jon, I understand you have something to say to the person or persons responsible for costing you that match against Mesterio last week. What have you got to say?
Tees: I know who you are and will retaliate against you in my own time, in my own way. I had that match won. Mesterio Raine was a beaten man I was merely closing in on him.
Tees: And Mesterio I haven’t forgotten you… you may think you have won and gotten away with a cheap victory but this is far from over. I know you had a hand in it, it’s just a little too coincidental that, that particular music would happen to play right when I had you on the ropes and was closing on the kill. But I digress. I am now onto bigger and better things. This week I’m taking on a new comer… Johnny Hailstorm. A man I have heard impressive things about but have never seen in action before much less faced. Hailstorm it’s a bad week to be you and to make your debut. If you think you are getting a spot in this tournament at my expense think again bitchcakes…. not going to happen. Someone ruined my chance and destroyed my opportunity and now I’m going to do the same to you. You’re going to experience exactly what it’s like to have someone shatter your dreams and dash your hopes when I soundly defeat you right in the center of the ring on Sunday Night Showtime.
Tees: Hailstorm you have been warned and the bell tolls for you, the only future you have here is in the form of being on my highlight real and on my long list of victims. It’s nothing personal Johnny boy merely business and you’re in the wrong place at the wrong damn time.
(Carter wraps up the interview. Tees and Carter exit the scene as the camera fades it appears as though the strip club is exploding.)