(The voice of Jon Tees is heard as a camera pans across the backdrop of the picnic area of a park on an absolutely gorgeous August afternoon. Tees begins speaking at first but doesn’t come into view right away.)
Tees: Hello all of you people (slowly comes into view. He is dressed in a Ralph Lauren polo shirt and a pair of Ralph Lauren khaki colored cargo shorts, with raisin colored boat shoes, no socks) this is old Jon Tees again. As you can tell I’m out here at the park around the picnic area. Waiting for all of the people to come in. Surely after a while they’ll be out here with their children, their fried chicken and potato salad, and some hot dogs surely some hamburgers to go along with all of that stuff. And the kid’s they’ll be running around having a good old time and after a while the kids will get on the parent’s nerves and the parents will start yelling and screaming. And then load up everything, put the children in the back dag gum seats and then they’ll go home and then they’ll tell all of their family and friends what a great time they had in the park and what a great picnic it was. (Laughs evilly) Well let me tell you something… Jon Tees knows how to throw a great picnic… and when I get into the ring in Rampage Wrestling (laughs evilly again) I’m going to show you people what a picnic is all about. You know what I mean?
(Tees pauses for a second and then a bizarre song begins playing to the tone of “Johnny Angel” only instead of “Johnny Angel… you’re an Angel to me. The lyrics are replaced and instead say “Johnny Rebel… You’re a Rebel to me.” Tees laughs at first and then takes a more serious and angry tone.)
Tees: Johnny Rebel speaking of people getting on other people’s nerves you’re on my last damn nerve boy. I’m sick of you being touted as “the next big damn thing” around here, “the greatest thing since sliced bread”, “the future world champion of this place” in truth you couldn’t carry my jock strap and you know it bitch. Let me smarten you up a bit people are not paying to come see you during our match they are coming to see me stick my fist in your face and my foot in your ass. You couldn’t draw in a shit factory. I really don’t get what the big deal is supposed to be about you… you’re just another drunken redneck the likes of which I’ve seen come and go countless times throughout my long and illustrious career.
(Tees pauses and laughs.)
Tees: I’ve beaten the best and the so called “best” throughout my long and illustrious career. People like Big Ern, JJ Crawford, Tim Jones, Big Badd Wolf, Stupod, Insomniac, and countless others and your name will be added to that long list. Like yourself these people all believed in their heart of hearts that they were as good if not better than me and ended up getting a cold, hard reality check come match time when I was the one who stood tall and emerged victorious. I’m going to become the face of Rampage Wrestling as either a wrestler and/or a manager it makes no difference to me but I will be the person who carries this place into the stratosphere and reigns atop it for years to come. You have never faced anyone like me as I’m one of a kind and there is no one like me. No one as ruthless and relentless, no one willing to stoop to the levels that I’m willing to stoop in order to gain a victory. This place needs and deserves someone who carries and conducts themselves with class and dignity, someone who will reign as champion with honor and prestige and that certainly isn’t some drunken redneck the likes of yourself. To put it quite simply in language you can easily understand you country fried dumbass I’m going to rearrange your ugly face and bash your non existent brains in. Your head will feel like a Rubbermaid can when I get finished kicking you in it.
Tees: You may think based on the things that I said that I harbor some sort of personal grudge against you or just don’t like you on a personal level. This is hardly the case at all. This is just business you are just an obstacle on my path toward the world title and like any and every obstacle that has been placed before me you will be plowed over. I’m not underestimating or over looking you at all. I’m sure you have some level of talent or ability other wise you wouldn’t be here competing with the best in the game today, but whatever talent and ability you have it doesn’t compare to mine. I can out wrestle you, I can out fight/brawl you and hell I could even drink your sorry ass under the table if I wanted to. Anything you can do I can do so much better. You just aren’t anywhere near my league or on my level and someone in management must not want you to amount to fly shit on the wall around here other wise they wouldn’t feed you to me in your very first match. You are going to begin here in RW on a very sour note with a loss to one of the greatest wrestlers/managers that there has ever been. You see unlike most people here I can do it all. I can wrestle and manage as well as run this damn place if I wanted to. My talent knows no limit. My father once told me that “if you have a man down make sure you pile six feet of dirt on top of him other wise he’s getting back up.” This is exactly what I’m going to do to you in our match Johnny Boy. When I have your ass down I won’t hesitate to finish you off. I’m neither a kind nor a merciful person, if you want mercy and compassion take your ass to church as you certainly won’t find it in a match against yours truly. I am the king of violence, the emperor of extreme, Mr. Hardcore 101 and won’t hesitate to show you why and how I have earned those nicknames if need be.
(Tees pauses and takes a sip of whiskey.)
Tees: You have been warned Johnny Boy you inbred redneck… the bells now toll for you and when bells start tolling heads start rolling… you’re fixing to get hurt real bad so you’d be best advised to not even show up if you know what’s good for you.
(Tees laughs as the scene fades.)