I am standing before you in all of my magnificent glory. Dressed in a most peculiar way, half as myself in a black and white pinstripe Armani suit, and half as The Joker complete with the green hair, clown make up and trademark purple and green suit. I immediately begin speaking out of my “normal” side.

Tees:
I frequently get told that I’m boring and predictable well let me ask you this, did any of you morons expect that I’d be standing here half dressed as the fucking Joker?

I perform an impression of The Joker doing my best to pull off the maniacal cackle that The Joker is known for.

Tees: When it comes to Jon Tees expect the unfucking expected. I do things that others won’t and that most wouldn’t even have the balls to do. Like how last week I single handedly took out Mr. Goldstein and my own nephew upon my debut. Granted, it was in self-defense and like always I was made out to be the villain of the situation but that’s fine, but any who I single handedly eliminated two powerful and elite wrestlers with no help from anyone. Those two men were leaps and bounds superior to my so called “competition” this week Mesterio Raine and the Spaztic colon. Like I said during my speech before I was so rudely interrupted and viciously attacked this place is just one big giant pussy just waiting to be fucked and I believe I’ll do the honors as I am indeed the only man with the endowment to accomplish that task.

Tees:
Spaz you seem to be having some sort of identity crises. You believe yourself to be a winner, but in reality you aren’t. More often than not when faced with real competition you come out on the losing end. You just can’t hack it against people who actually have the slightest bit of talent. The only reason you have reached 7 and 0 is because you’ve been picking on these rookies, washed up has-beens and never wases nor will bees. But this week you and your butt buddy will be facing off against a former multi time world champion, a legend a man who has destroyed the “best” and the so called “best” time and again. I’ve retired more wanna bees and wash outs than social security. This week in a TLC match of all things I’m going to become the 1 in 7 and 1 and you will finally taste the bitterness of  defeat here in SWF and your identity crises of believing yourself to be a winner will come to an end at long last.

Tees: And as for you Mesterio you say It’s going to “Raine” blood” around here? Well the only blood that will be raining down will be that which will be gushing from your forehead when I bust you the fuck open with a chair, a ladder or put your sorry ass through a table. You left me for dead once and now I’ll return the favor, you’ll experience the feeling of life exiting your body and fading into blackness.

Fade out

Several hours later I am standing in an abandoned parking lot across from an abandoned white and blue van. A  close up of a tied up couple inside of the van are shown. I am dressed in the same manner as before half as myself and half as The Joker.

Tees: I am the original and one true anarchist. I want to blow up entire Nations and bring the world to its knees; I plan to establish a one world government under my rule.

I again perform The Joker like cackle.

Tees: Mesterio, Spazy Boy this coming week you both will get exactly what you have coming to you, just like this couple inside of that van will soon get what they have coming to them. You have both been warned and the bell tolls for the both of you, I will not start my tenure here out with a loss nor will I add to your win column. When bells start tolling heads start rolling prepare for your obliteration.

With that I push the remote button causing the van to burst into flames. I continue cackling evilly as the scene fades.

The End Or To Be Continued Later?

Heavy Bags and Free Standing Bags