Mere words cannot begin to express how truly exquisite it is to be apart of other people’s nightmares, impure thoughts, fantasies and to simply have no independent existence outside of someone else’s psyche.
We begin with a man named Kelvy, a pastor by trade entering his study and preparing to write some correspondence. Kelvy is an Irish national who has spent most of his adult life living in The United States. In particular he calls Trenton, NJ his home. He lives right on the boarder of the city and the suburbs. Kelvy begins writing using his typewriter which starts out with a normal appearances as far as the alphabetic and numeric keys are concerned. As time goes on the room becomes hazy and Kelvy notices that the keys on the typewriter have been replaced by Egyptian hieroglyphics. Kelvy also is no longer in his room, but rather a bizarre subterranean area. The place is very dark though appears to be at least somewhat illuminated by candles and lanterns that hang on the walls. It is also very cold and appears to have been built with quite a bit of white brick as the colors Kelvy can make out are white or off white possibly grey. He appears to be alone here and wonders how he arrived at this most unusual place. Suddenly Kelvy notices a figure coming around the bend the figure looks rather bizarre. Kelvy can tell by the shadow that it’s some sort of a serpent at least in terms of its body, a large rattlesnake perhaps as it does appear to make a rattling noise as it moves, but as it gets closer the head appears to be that of a lion. This creature whatever it is draws nearer to Kelvy and he becomes frightened. The creature is finally standing directly before Kelvy and he can see clear as day, it does indeed have the body of a rattlesnake though substantially larger than most you will ever see, and the head of a lion. The lion’s mane appears to be feathers and the facial features appear to be that of a man, one particular man, the man we know as Jon Tees. The eyes are brown and it more or less looks like Tees’ face on a lion’s head, on a giant rattlesnake’s body. Kelvy can’t believe what he’s seeing here.
Kelvy: I must be dreaming
Creature: (communicating telepathically) No you are not dreaming.
Kelvy: Then I must be dead.
Creature: (Telepathically) no you are not dead…. But you soon will be… this is how it ends for you, your lifetime of sin has brought you here and your fate was decided long ago.
Kelvy: But those days were behind me, I sinned as a young man but am now a pastor.
Creature: (telepathically) your reasons for becoming a pastor were selfish ones you did it for your own benefit as you felt it would be fun and you’d get something out of it. You certainly didn’t become a pastor for his benefit. Even as a pastor you continued to engage in sinful behaviors like smoking and drinking, you drink like a fish and smoke like a chimney. Did you really believe that just because you believe in Christ you had some sort of a green light to do whatever you wanted? You of all people a servant of Christ supposedly should have known better.
Kelvy: Smoking and drinking are sins? I didn’t know this. Honestly I didn’t I read the bible many times in my life and saw nothing about it.
Creature: (telepathically) ignorance is no excuse. If no one ever told you murder was wrong would it then be ok for you to murder someone? I know not.
Before Kelvy can say another word the snake body of this creature begins wrapping around him completely engulfing him with the exception of his head.
Creature: (Actually speaking out loud this time as it opens its mouth) it’s time to reincarnate Jimmy!!!.
As the creature goes to finish Kelvy off he yells out “Jesus Save Me.”
And as mysteriously as he’s arrived in this place he’s gone and back in his room.
Jon Tees awakes in his bed having dreamt this entire ordeal that occurred or supposedly occurred to someone else 20 something years ago. Lying next to Tees is his wife Temptress.
Temptress: (smiling) did you have one of those bizarre dreams again? I swear you watch way too many shows involving people’s supposed near death experiences.
Tees: I don’t know it seems like something more than that. Much more.
Tees gets out of bed and heads into the bathroom. He is shirtless and wears a pair of blue checkered flannel pajama pants which is a bit odd considering that it’s summer time.
Later that day.
Tees is sitting in his large living room dressed in a navy blue ralph Lauren polo shirt and a pair of dark khaki shorts with brown boat shoes. He appears to be drinking French Vanilla Iced Coffee and speaking to someone off camera.
Tees: Is that fellow I’m supposed to interview for the groundskeeper position supposed to arrive yet? I’d like to get that interview over with I have a busy schedule later this afternoon.
Person Tees’ Speaking To in a muffled tone: He’s supposed to already be here, no clue what may be keeping him.
Just then there is a knock on the door the housekeeper Flores answers it and greets the person.
Flores: Mr. Tees the groundskeeper applicant is here.
Tees: Good send him in.
To Tees’ surprise, shock and amazement it’s the very same man from his dream Kelvy. Kelvy is dressed in a pair of Khaki’s and a Van Hessen shirt that appears to be brown with a checkered style design. He shakes Tees’ hand and Tees reciprocates. Shocked and surprised to be seeing this man.
Kelvy: Mr. Tees, My name is Kelvy… James Kelvy and I’m here to interview for the groundskeeper position.
Tees: Mr. Kelvy, good to see you. I feel like I’ve seen you somewhere before.
Kelvy: I’ve got one of those familiar faces (smiles)
Tees: Right this way.
Tees leads Kelvy into a conference type of room with a large table. He picks up a copy of Kelvy’s resume and reads it over.
Tees: Very impressive. I’m going to have a background check run on you, but if your qualifications check out you’ve got the job. Its $30 an hour plus benefits. Sick time, time and a half, vacation 401k and all of that good stuff most employers are too cheap to offer these days and look for any reason to avoid having to.
Kelvy: Sounds good to me. I’ve had too much time on my hands as of late with being out of work and have started to get into trouble.
Tees: Well this job should keep you plenty busy. That’s another thing free room and board. If you choose to take advantage of it, if not you may live wherever you’d like.
Kelvy: I think I’ll take the room and board you could fit my entire apartment in this one room and still have plenty of space.
Tees: Welcome aboard Kelvy!!!
Tees shakes Kelvy’s hand to “seal the deal.”
Kelvy departs and Tees’ now once more alone with Temptress
Temptress: Did you decide to hire him? He seems like a nice guy and is certainly capable.
Tees: Yes, actually. I feel like I’ve known him for years and am supposed to do something to help him, but the funny thing is I haven’t seen him a day in my life before now and I honestly believe that he appeared in my dream last night.
Temptress: But if you never seen him before how could that be?
Tees: Search me.
Hours pass and Tees is now dressed in an Armani suit heading into a studio of some kind. His suit is shark skin grey, his dress shirt is black and his shoes are shiny, black wingtips you could see your reflection in. Tony Carter comes into view, for those who don’t know Carter and Tees have been friends for years and Carter has often been in Tees’ employ as a personal interviewer. Carter wears a royal blue men’s warehouse suit that is nice by middle class standards but nothing compared to the fancy suit Tees is wearing.
Carter: Hello again Mr. Tees. So nice to see you.
Tees: Always a pleasure Tony, always a pleasure we have so much to discuss so have a seat and get those cameras rolling. I do believe you’ve been briefed on how this interview is to be conducted.
Carter: Briefed and debriefed.
Cameras begin rolling and Carter begins speaking he sits in one office chair across from Tees who sits in another.
Carter: Hello again ladies and gentleman it’s Me… It’s Me. Mr. Wrestling Tony C and I’m here live with Jon Tees a man who some claim was beaten in a TLC match last week but he disagrees.
Tees: I may not have won but I didn’t get beat. Beating someone by my definition is pounding them to a bloody pulp so that they are incapable of exiting the ring under their own power. My tights were hooked and I was pinned in a TLC match. What’s up with that? I thought the object of a TLC match was to climb a FUCKING LADDER. And grab whatever it was is at the top. I guess people here just make up their own rules as they go along but I digress. It’s far from over and I will have my revenge it’s only a matter of time until my wrath is suffered and my judgment is dulled out.
Carter: But this week you face a man named Sin. A man who supposedly feeds off of the sins of others like some sort of parasite.
Tees: You got that right, and how do you destroy a parasite? It’s quite simple really you destroy its food supply and watch it starve to death. My strategy is to eradicate sin around here and completely eliminate it. Once this is accomplished he’ll have no food source and that’ll be it for him. More will be revealed about this plan as time moves forward but sins will be atoned for and eliminated and then what will the man who feeds off of Sin do? Not much that he can.
The scene seems to pause with the exception of Tees speaking directly to Sin.
Tees: Sin this is not personal you and I share the similarity of desiring to bring people to Christ. I do so through any means necessary where as your kind of a little more one dimensional but whatever works. This is about my victory and my moving forward and getting my message across I’m willing to stoop to levels that you haven’t even thought of… whatever it takes. Business is business.
Carter: That’s about all of the time we have ladies and gentleman. Mr. Tees is a very busy man. Be sure to check out the next edition of White Noise and watch as Mr. Tees soundly and methodically wages war and achieves victory over Sin in a straight jacket match. This isn’t Mr. Tees’ first rodeo in this type of match, but we can’t speak for the man of mystery known as Sin. Place your bets ladies and gentleman but be sure to always bet on Tees unless you want to go broke.
We now join Tees dressed in a black cowboy hat, black leather vest and dark blue jeans standing against the side of a barn. “Man With A Harmonica” by Ennio Morricone. Appears to be playing somewhere off in the distance. Tees begins speaking.
Tees: Johnny Rebel…. They call you a Rebel but I have a very different prospective on you my friend. You see Johnny not too long ago you joined up with a mob and unjustly ran me out of a territory. I was the lifeblood of that territory and helped transform it into what it ultimately became something great. Then when I was no longer needed I was cast aside like a used condom. You of all people were one of the ones who ran me out even though I was under the false impression that we were “friends” I guess it’s true what they say… there aren’t any friends in this shit business. I’m going to take a ringside seat when my client Kyle Goodburn brings me justice and kicks your country fried ass. See you soon Johnny boy.
Tees places his hat over his eyes and appears to fall asleep standing up as the scene fades for good.