It’s a rather warm June afternoon in Hyannis Port, Massachusetts where Mr. Goldstein makes his Summer residence. We come upon a rather large mansion with various gardeners plying their trade in the various gardens. Out back sits a lake with a large yacht obviously docked.  Suddenly a very ballsy man who works for Cablevision comes walking up the large pathway, he addresses several of the gardeners many of whom do not speak English at least not extensively and finally approaches the front door. He knocks on it and unfortunately for him receives an answer. Not from the intended recipient of his visit mind you, but from the bodyguard of that intended recipient David Von Tees. Von Tees is wearing a white Ralph Lauren Polo shirt and a pair of dark colored khaki shorts, he has on boat shoes without socks and a pair of brown tinted avatar sunglasses.

Von Tees: (grunts in an annoyed manner) Can I assist you with something?

Man: Yes, I’m with Cablevision and I have  come to speak to Mr. Goldstein.

Von Tees: In regards to what?

Man: My name is Darrel by the way.

Von Tees: I could give a rats ass less what your name is. Goldstein is busy and doesn’t have time for the likes of you, I suggest that you leave.

Darrel: If I could just have a moment of Mr. Goldstein’s time, he was a customer of ours several years ago, back when people really didn’t have too many choices they either had to subscribe to Cablevision or do without cable service. Back in these days “the good old days” we call  them we took people’s business for granted and treated them like shit. Now however they have more options and have left us in droves, our business is suffering and we realize just how much we need our former customers back to keep us from going under because to be honest our service just isn’t that great.

Von Tees has been nodding and bidding his time allowing this fat bastard to ramble on about something he could honestly care less about. He now responds.


Darrel: I’m not leaving until I speak to GOLDSTEIN.

Von Tees: You aren’t going to speak to him as I said before he’s busy entirely too busy to waste his time with a pathetic piece of shit like you, now get out of here before I do something you’ll regret.

Von Tees goes to shut the door but is prevented from doing so by Darrel who sticks his foot in the bottom of the door and basically prevents the much larger man from shutting it. Von Tees snaps at this point and opens the door , grabs Darrel and slams him forcibly against the wall.

Von Tees: Give me one reason and make it good why I shouldn’t crush your fucking wind pipe and kill you right here and right now.

Darrel: (struggling to speak with his throat being crushed. Cablevision knows where I am.

Von Tees: That may be true, then again it may be a pack of lies. How do I know you even work for Cablevision? For all I know you may be a crook trying to execute a pathetic ruse so that you can rob hard working people like my employer and agent Mr. Goldstein. And besides it’s pretty retarded sending people door to door in this day and age with all of the thieves who pose as  service people and then you have sickos and freaks who would love to harm people who come to their door even for legit reasons.

Von Tees proceeds to pull out a large hunting knife while still holding the man against the wall well off the ground

Von Tees: I think I’ll give you a nice close shave.

Darrel: Nooooo!!! Please don’t.

Suddenly Goldstein appears dressed in a black and white pinstripe Armani suit with a reddish color dress shirt, shiny black wing tip shoes and a pair of dark aviator sunglasses.

Goldstein: Hey, what the hell is going on here? I’m trying to take a nap and I hear all of this commotion who could sleep with this racket going on?

Von Tees: Mr. Goldstein, boss I’m sorry but this pain in the ass solicitor  came to the door and wouldn’t take no for an answer. I told him to leave several times and he even tried to force his way in. Now I have no choice but to kill him and stage it to look like self defense.

Goldstein looks at the man and speaks.

Mr. Goldstein: Is this true?

Darrel: No it’s not this monster you have working for you assaulted me when I tried to leave after being told you weren’t available.

Goldstein: (Thinks for a moment.) If I were to pay you say half a million dollars would you leave this place, never return and forget this whole ugly and unfortunate incident?

Darrell: Of course you know what they say everybody has a price and that would be more than enough for me to pretend I was never here.

Goldstein: Something in your voice… the tone I believe indicates to me that you are a liar. How could I be certain that you won’t return with cops maybe I should let him kill you. I mean you are rather ugly and only an unloved person would take a job such as yours, someone who isn’t cared about nor do they care about themselves. It’s a dangerous job and you may receive a lesson in some of the dangers of taking a job like this.

Darrell: nooooooooooooo I have a family. I’ll leave even without the money just let me live.

Goldstein: I’m not sure why you’d want to live. If I were you and fortunately I’m not I likely would have blown my fucking brains out long before now. You are a fat, pathetic excuse of a human being and if we were to put you six feet under the world would be a better place, or at the very least wouldn’t have to look at your ugly, disgusting, fat face anymore.

Darrell begins sobbing and finally outright crying.  Goldstein pulls out a stack of bills totaling fifty thousand dollars. He shoves many of them into Darrell’s mouth. Von Tees releases Darrell and Darrell falls to the ground gasping for air.

Goldstein: Let me make myself perfectly clear my good man… we are going to allow you to continue living your pathetic, sorry excuse of a life. But if you ever return here again at any point for any reason you’re as good as dead, and we’ll get away with it to as we have ways of making it look as though you were somewhere you shouldn’t have been doing something you shouldn’t have been doing. I am a very rich and powerful man, don’t force my hand and make me use my money or my power against you I wield both like no one else. Now GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!.

Darrell runs from the house like he’s seen a monster and to be honest he has. Goldstein and Von Tees laugh a bit. 

Von Tees: I can’t believe you paid him 50 grand when we could have just killed him or scared him away from here for good.

Goldstein: Ha! That’s laughable. Fifty grand is nothing to me. And besides the jokes on him it’s counterfeit money as soon as the idiot goes to spend it he’ll be going to jail and what a fine way to ensure that he’ll never bother me again.

Fade out with Goldstein laughing.

Chocolate Delivery