( I am currently at the gym working out intently in preparation for The Royal Rumble match. I am at this very moment doing a combination of squats, dead lifts and curls. In a moment or two I will be bench pressing more than most of the competitors in the WWF even weigh. A little later on I’ll be doing laps in the pool. You get the idea. I’m the athlete of the 90’s a man way ahead of my time in terms of how I prepare for competition. I finish my work out and towel off after taking a shower. I dress and prepare to leave as I am approached by Lord Alfred Hayes and a WWF camera man. Lord Alfred approaches me as I take a sip of water from my tap out of my reusable water bottle. )

Big Daddy Tees: You know some day someone is going to bottle tap water from all around the world and resell it to suckers for two or three times more than it’s worth claiming that it comes from a “spring.” Or is “purified” or some other jazz.

(Alfred looks at me as though I’m from another planet.)

Lord Alfred Hayes: Hello Ladies and gents I’m Lord Alfred Hayes the resident blue blood of the World Wrestling Federation, and I’m here live with a favored entrant in the upcoming Royal Rumble a man who stands at nearly 7 feet tall and weighs close to three hundred pounds one of the biggest men in this years Rumble Big Daddy Tees.

(I give a nod to the camera)

Lord Alfred Hayes: Now… Big Daddy Tees tell the viewers at home how you plan on winning the Royal Rumble match and becoming the new WWF champion.

Big Daddy Tees: Well Al, It’s really quite simple I plan on eliminating anyone and everyone who crosses my path and being the last man standing. Once this occurs my hand will be raised in victory as I’ll hold the WWF championship high in the air for all to see. I have no doubts about my ability to win this thing as you yourself have stated I’m fairly close to seven feet tall and as demonstrated in my work out earlier I’m pretty damn powerful. I doubt that there will be anyone in the rumble match who I’ll have a problem with. And not that I’ll really need it but I have back up in the form of my brothers from other mothers Terry Funk and Jushin “Thunder” Liger. These men have my back and I have theirs we’re a family and will work together for the common cause bringing that WWF title home where it belongs.

Alfred Hayes: You call these gents your family but what will you do if the three of you are the last three men left in the rumble?

Big Daddy Tees: That also is rather simple Ally boy. We’ll fight it out as brothers tend to do and the last one of us left standing will be the Undisputed WWF Champion and once the dust has settled and the smoke has cleared our bond will be as solid as it’s ever been. Business is business and the business at hand is eliminating Tito Santana and Tony Atlas respectively in singles action and then eliminating everyone else in the rumble. Growing up on the streets of Brooklyn fighting gangs of people is nothing new to me so I have a rather distinct advantage over everyone else in the rumble match who isn’t used to dealing with more than one opponent at a time.

(Lord Alfred looks as though he has nothing more to say.)

Lord Alfred Hayes: I thank you for your time and good luck in the rumble match.

Big Tees: Thanks Ally boy but luck is for losers, I have this thing in the bag. The bell is now tolling for every other rumble entrant and when bells start tolling heads start rolling. Good day you’re dismissed.

(Hayes and the camera man leave. I am soon joined by my gorgeous Girlfriend Sabrina. I take her arm and we walk out of the gym and head out to lunch.)

(Fade out)