Sean Mooney: Good evening ladies and gentleman… I’m Sean Mooney here with a major WWF update. It appears as though Shane Douglas and Tito Santana have both departed the WWF for respective reasons. Douglas was set to debut this coming Monday and Santana was set to return the following Monday neither of those events will transpire as both of those men have requested and been granted releases from their WWF contracts. In terms of signings WWF has come to terms with Mr. Goldstein a rather accomplished high school and colligate wrestler who has dominated numerous smaller promotions prior to coming here to the WWF. Mr. Goldstein’s agent Big Daddy Tees is standing by with comments regarding this major acquisition.
(We flash away from Mooney and join Big Daddy Tees who is standing against a Monday Night Raw backdrop. Tees is dressed in a royal blue suit with a golden color sport shirt and no tie. Like Mooney his lower portions can’t really be seen. He has a rather smug and arrogant look on his face.)
Big Daddy Tees: Hello again peasants, peons and piss ants you know the drill by now. It is I your social and intellectual superior…. Your champion and your king Big Daddy Tees. I have done it once again and am pleased to announce my latest acquisition a man named Mr. Goldstein. Mr. Goldstein would arguably be the greatest wrestler in the world if I were retired or had selected another profession. Next to myself there is no one finer, no one better. All will bow before Mr. Goldstein and kiss his ring starting with that good for nothing Michael “P.S” Hayes, a man who chickened out in his match against Terry Funk last week. We all know the truth Hayes you rightfully feared the beating Funk was going to give you… so ended up staging an attack and getting your sorry self-counted out. I don’t blame you Hayes, if I were in your shoes I would have done the same thing if booked against Funk or any other member of The Syndicate. I wouldn’t blame you one iota if you planned on doing the same thing this week against Goldstein…. No one would. But I do hope that you’ll show up so Goldstein can demonstrate his skills not to mention make an example out of you for everyone else in the locker room. Hayes you will not see or hear from Goldstein until Monday I’ll be doing his talking for him… but let’s just say that once Monday rolls around it’ll be a night you won’t soon forget. Goldstein has a way of leaving a lasting impression on his opponents and still haunts the nightmares of those unfortunate enough to have been booked against him earlier in his career. I have followed your WWF run up until this point Hayes and am not all that impressed. You have lost more matches than you won and no showed even a greater number of matches than that. You are a sorry, pathetic shell of a man whose best years are behind him and honestly weren’t really that great to begin with. You have been warned Hayes. The bell now tolls for you and as the old saying goes when bells start tolling heads start rolling.
Big Daddy Tees: Back to you in the studio (laughs evilly)
(The camera flashes back to Sean Mooney)
Sean Mooney: Hacksaw Jim Duggan is still injured from that beating Terry Funk gave him several weeks ago. We’ll keep you posted but that’s about all of the time we have this week.