Lord Alfred Hayes: Hello everyone… This weeks’ special report is brought to you by the 1993 WWF calendar.
(A graphic is shown of the calendar with Hulk Hogan on the cover with the American flag draped over his left arm. A caption under the calendar reads “In bookstores now.”)
(Hayes has continued talking as this graphic cut away has played.)
Lord Alfred Hayes: Each month is illustrated by a famous wrestling superstar in full color.
(Pages of the calendar are turned showing various wrestlers.)
Lord Alfred Hayes: The superb 1993 WWF calendar is now available in bookstores everywhere!.
(The camera than returns to Hayes in the studio and stops showing the calendar. )
Lord Alfred Hayes: This past week on WWF Superstars Terry Funk was involved in an impromptu match with Hacksaw Jim Duggan. The match came about as the result of Duggan sticking up for a young wrestler named Hardbody Harrison who Funk had viciously attacked let’s take a look at how things unfolded.
(We cut away from the studio and travel back to the locker room where Terry Funk is shown ranting and raving, basically carrying on like a mad man. He appears to be looking for Tony Atlas and is destroying anything and everything in his path. Throwing chairs and slamming them into the wall, knocking stuff over, throwing officials out of his way all the while screaming.)
Terry Funk: ATLAS… TONY ATLAS WHERE ARE YOU YOU COWARD!!!
Terry Funk: ATLAS! I’M COMING FOR YOU ATLAS! WHERE ARE YOU YOU SON OF A BITCH?!!.
( Funk then begins screeching inaudibly. Speaking in tongues almost. Funk happens to come upon Hard body Harrison a young man with a slight resemblance to Tony Atlas in his younger days anyway. Harrison is bench pressing several attractive young ladies are cheering him on as is his spotter. Funk suddenly comes up and knocks the spotter clean out by smacking him upside the skull with a dumbbell. Funk then pushes the barbell complete with weights that Harrison has been lifting across Harrison’s throat. )
Terry Funk: COME ON MR. USA…. MR. TONY ATLAS DO FIVE MORE… FIVE MORE ATLAS!!! (Making a hissing sound)
(Harrison struggles to get the weight off as the women scream and run out of the gym. Harrison falls off of the bench and Funk begins brutally assaulting him with various knees and punches to the face. He picks Harrison up and throws him face first into the gym mirror shattering it. Harrison falls to the floor and Funk connects with a running knee. If that wasn’t enough Funk picks up a loose weight that appears to be heavy and drops it right down on Harrison’s head.)
Terry Funk: TAKE THAT YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!
(WWF officials come rushing into the room as do medical personnel. The officials finally get Funk away from Harrison but not before he knocks several of them down. Funk is then approached by “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan. Duggan seems to be irate over Funk’s actions. )
Duggan: What’s your problem man? What the hell is the matter with you!?
(Funk without saying a word attacks Duggan and the two start brawling. Officials get in between them. Vince McMahon shows up and sets up a match between them for later in the same show. We return to the studio with Alfred Hayes.)
Lord Alfred Hayes: The two superstars would then battle it out in what became an epic encounter one for the ages you might say.
(A WWF logo graphic flashes on the screen and we are suddenly transported to an in progress match between Terry Funk and “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan. The match is just getting underway as Duggan is stomping his feet and trying to get the crowd behind him. Big Daddy Tees is at ringside. Various highlights of the match are shown at that point. Duggan executing a three point stance followed by a knee drop and seemingly having the match won only to pin Funk too close to the ropes and have Big Daddy Tees place Funk’s foot on the bottom rope and point it out to the ref. Duggan went after Tees as the ref was distracted with Funk which proved to be a bad idea as Tees got the better of the exchange after a thumb to the eye. He then rammed Duggan into the ring post. Duggan was nearly counted out but managed to get back into the ring. Terry Funk connected with a Texas Pile driver and began working Duggan’s ankle setting up for the spinning toe hold. He drove his knee down on Duggan’s ankle repeatedly as well as dropped elbows on the ankle. Duggan managed to fight back and connected with several power slams. He set Funk up for a second three point stance but Funk moved and Duggan twisted his ankle. Funk applied the spinning toe hold and got the submission win. )
Howard Finkel: Ladies And Gentleman The Winner of this contest Terry Funk!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(After the match Tees brought a chair into the ring Funk and Tees placed the chair on Duggan’s ankle and Funk jumped from the middle rope landing full force down across Duggan’s ankle likely breaking it. Duggan was assisted from the ring by medical personnel as Tees and Funk headed to the back. )
(We flash back to the WWF studio where Lord Alfred Hayes provides an update on the condition of “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan.)
Lord Alfred Hayes: Ladies and gentleman it is my unfortunate duty to inform you that “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan did indeed suffer a broken ankle at the hands of Terry Funk and Big Daddy Tees. He will be out indefinitely and will miss this years Royal Rumble. We will keep you posted as more becomes available. But in the mean time Big Daddy Tees and Terry Funk are standing by to comment on what has transpired.
(We flash to Funk and Tees in the backstage interview area against The Rumble Backdrop. )
Big Daddy: Tony Atlas you brought this all on yourself and have no one but yourself to blame. You got in Terry Funk’s head and he now sees you everywhere he looks. Congratulations! The blood of Hacksaw Jim Duggan and Hardbody Harrison is on your head our hands. These men did nothing and were innocent victims they just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time but you caused this and need to be held accountable for it.
(Funk begins speaking although much calmer this time.)
Terry Funk: Atlas… I’m going to beat you within an inch of your life on Sunday… you’ll come to regret signing on to face me in this match. You should be fined and suspended for your actions, but since WWF will hold me responsible for what you made me do I’ll have to be judge, jury and executioner and see to it you get what’s coming to you. You’ll be joining Harrison and Duggan in the very same hospital where your thoughtless actions have sent them. It’s all on you Atlas it’s your fault and you’re completely to blame. I’m going to become WWF champion come hell or high water this Sunday… and you Atlas you might just be on your way to the city morgue. Happy New Year!!!
Big Daddy Tees: Tony Atlas you have been warned and the bell now tolls for you… when bells start tolling heads start rolling.
(Tees laughs evilly as it flashes back to Lord Alfred in the studio once again.)
Lord Alfred Hayes: Well ladies and gentleman… that’s about all of the time we have this week… we’ll see you again next week be sure to pick up your copy of the magnificent 1993 WWF calendar… available in bookstores everywhere.