Guy: Hey man how bout you slow the beep down?
(Funk looks over to the guy and smiles as he reach for the door handle Funk steps out of the van and starts to walks towards the bmw.)
Guy: Hey man calm down I was just giving you a hard time.
(Funk shakes his head as he reaches his right arm into the window and pulls the man out by his neck)
Funk: You’re giving me a hard time? Do you really wanna see what a hard time looks like ?
(The guy starts shaking as Funk reaches back with his left hand a police siren goes off just as Funk was about to release the punch Funk lets go of the guy and backs away as two officers step from their car.)
Officer 1: (As he approaches Funk) Sir is this guy bothering you
Guy: No sir we were just having a talk.
(Funk looks shocked as the officers both bring their focus to him.)
Officer 2: Is that’s what this was sir.
Funk: Yea, yea I was just giving him an autograph
Officer 1: Oh shit Mitch it’s that wrestler
Mitch: I’ll be damned my son loves the WWF I forgot you guys were in town thought the show wasn‘t until Monday .
Funk: Yeah was heading to the hotel got business to handle anything I can help you two with before I go?
(Both cops looks at Funk then each other)
Mike: I’ll tell you what get me and Joey here seats next time you guys are in town and we’ll escort you there.
(Funk nods his head as he starts to head to his Van.)
Funk:(under his breath)In your dreams.
(Funk returns to his VAN and pulls off Funk starts talking to himself.)
Funk: Stupid ass people………… man I hate the cops
(Funk turns down his radio as his cell phone goes off)
Funk: speak………….What Jushin ?………..Ok who are we facing this event ?? ………..Bullshit you sure you don‘t know. Can‘t we ask someone??……………….Where’d you see this……….. Ok I‘ll come back to the hotel so we can get rid of any rust we have……………………..New York City…………call the airport an set are return day to Friday so We will have time to recover for the match……………….yeah once your done jacking off take the sock off the door so I know it’s safe to come in………………..Ok man later tell Tees I’ll call him later.
(Funk starts squealing his tires around still driving like a mad man on crack. Funk starts to sing to himself)
Funk: They say misery loves company we could start a company an make misery. FRUSTRATED INCORPARATED
(Funk comes screeching into a parking lot an park. He jumps out grabs his bags from the back of the van an begins to walk inside.)
Funk: Well here we are at the Waldorf-Astoria where all our dreams can come true.
(Funk walks up to the front desk and the lady just stares at him like he’s some kind of lost hobo.)
Funk: ‘Throat clearing noise’ Excuse me there bitch but there should be a presidential suite For The Syndicate.
Lady: Don’t call me bitch you dirty damn Texan.
Funk: Wooh wooh alright than was just trying to have fun.
Lady: I know who you are an I don’t like you. How the hell Liger and You can afford to stay here I’ll never know. “Hands him a key” Your in pres suite top floor room eleven hundred an five.
Funk: Thank you lady your flowery words are but kindness to the heart. Good Day!
(Funk grabs his bags an heads for the elevator. When he gets in he is riding alone. He begins to start rubbing and squeezing his nipples. If he keeps that up he’ll end up lactating that bad boy.. He reaches the top floor an grabs his bag. He’s reading the number on the doors. An quickly find the suite. There is no sock on the door. So it’s safe to go in. He slides the card threw the door beeps. Funk steps in.)
Funk: Hellooooooo anybody here?
(Liger calls from around the wall)
Liger: I’m over here man in the main living room. Come in this huge ass place.
(Funk drops his bags an rounds the corner. There’s Liger in nothing but a sock hanging from his Johnson and his trademark mask Funk’s not even fazed)
Liger: (BLEEP) man this place is huge you gotta check out the rooms. So man this tourney me an you were going all the way baby (BLEEP) yes.
Funk: Shit man like I didn’t know that already. We know each other so well that we are unbeatable I don’t care what anyone says.
Liger: Man NYC is a great town. There’s so much for us to do. But first we gotta try most of the things available right here in the hotel. Let’s put on our Banana Hammocks an go for a swim.
(A couple minutes go by an they meet up in the main living room. There both in there hammocks showing the world what God gave them. They throw their towels over their shoulders and start walking to the elevator. In the elevator they’re joined with four older women who if you didn’t know any better you’d think there the Golden Girls. You can see the old ladies start to blush. But that doesn’t keep them from pinching the asses of Funk and Liger who are actually starting to blush themselves. But they try to ignore it until one of the elders goes a little farther and sticks her index finger into Liger’s rectum as if he was getting his prostate checked out. This causes Liger to become wide eyed and he turns around and starts making out with one of the old ladies. Until the elevator stops on the pool floor level. The Syndicate run out as one of the old ladies yells out)
Old Lady: I’ll always remember you by your scent on my finger as she proudly smells it.
Liger: I’m in room one thousand and five
(Elevator door closes and the two men stair at each other.)
Funk: (BLEEP) crazy dried boxed old bitches. Man I was seriously violated and I couldn’t enjoy it they were just so old. But you, you loved it
Liger: The one who looked like Blanch from the Golden Girls stuck her finger into my rectum. How could I not love that lady?
Funk: That explains why she was smelling her finger. Thanks for inviting her back to our room. Dear God I hope they don’t show.
(Funk and Liger) turn around and look at the pool. And for some reason everyone is staring back at them. They just shrug their shoulders and put their towels and their flippie floppies on the table. They head over to the hot tub where a family of six are relaxing enjoying the heated water. Funk and Liger walk over and take a seat. Liger sits in between the Wife and Husband and Funk sit in-between their twin daughters who are probably only in there upper teens. There’s also two little boys in the tub who are staring at them smiling.)
Little boy one: Oh wow it’s Terry Funk and Jushin “Thunder” Liger.
Little Boy Two: oh wow it is
(the little boys each go an sit on Liger and Funk’s laps. Amazingly the parents aren’t yet freaking out.)
Little boy on Funk: Hi Terry I know you from the TV. I watch you all the time with my brother. My names Jimmy and my brothers Johnny. My sisters names are Missy and Misty
Johnny: Wow can’t believe I’m sitting on the lap of Jushin Liger. All my friends are gonna be jealous.
Jimmy: you guys are gonna win that tag team tourney right!
(The girls are getting kinda of excited sitting in between a slightly known man and his partner.)
Dad: Well hello there Terry, Jushin. Don’t let us bother you before your big match. I feel like going swimming now that I’m relaxed and loosened up.
Mom: Yeah the swimming pool sounds great hope the kids don’t bother you to much.
Funk: Oh no this is fine.
(the parents get out an leave their kids with the hammock kings. Like there’s nothing wrong with this picture.)
Liger: yeah we will give you both autographs and a shirt if you go an swim with your parents
Jimmy: Wooooow done deal
(the little kids get out of the pool and head straight to the pool yelling mommy daddy there going to give us autographs)
Misty: So you guys like to party?
(F&L) shares blank face stares)
Liger: Of course we do. But how old are you two?
Missy: We’re nineteen
Funk: Nice so does that mean you like sex?
Misty: we love sex
(Misty and missy remove their swim suit bottoms. Missy goes an stradels on Funk’s lap as misty does the same to Liger’s lap.)
Twenty minutes later back at L&F’s room
Funk: Man that was totally weird with their little brothers and parents just over in the swimming pool and them straddling us. Man wow I told you hammocks are the best for attention getters.
Liger: Dude yes that was Freaking awesome. I told you NYC is a city of fun. And shit we haven’t even left the hotel yet. I’m so ready for the tag tourney you and I are going to kick the crap out of everyone and once again remind the WWF just why we are Number One.
Funk: Exactly man. You know drinking orange crush basically turns me into an animal like Popeye with spinach. We have been waiting all year for this event to happen and here it is only days away. Man we should probably get to bed considering there are six rooms in this place.
Liger: Right man we got a lot of stuff we need to do tomorrow to get our selves ready. Man the tastiest snatch lies here in NYC. We’re gonna have to come here some time just to visit.
(Liger and Funk head off in opposite directions. Liger drops his bags in his room and starts to change into his Pajamas that resemble that of a bunny rabbit with slippers included. Funk changes in his room into nothing more than a male thong. They both lay down and get ready to fall asleep.)
Ten Minutes later
(Funk laying in his bed when there’s a knock on the door.)
Funk: Yeah hello.
(Liger opens the door steps in an closes the door.)
Liger: Can I sleep with you big guy? It’s scary trying to sleep alone. Besides the beds are so big.
Funk: Sure man whatever works. You’ll have to get Tees ticket up here though tomorrow cause we can’t be doing this all the time but I understand man. Come on in here.
(Funk lifts the covers inviting his heterosexual life partner into bed with him. Liger happily jumps inside.)
Funk: Lets pray now
Funk/Liger: Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep; if I die before I wake, I pray for God my soul to take.
Funk: Good night Jushin
Liger: Good night Terry
(the camera fades out as the Syndicate goes to bed and a pounding at the door is heard)
Lady: It’s me the lady who gave you a rectum exam
(To Be Continued?)